Who is Lincoln Chafee and has anybody told him to cut his meds in half? There were times when I was sure his face was going to seize up, treating us to that blank grin and the elevator music in his head.

“Are you saying you didn’t know what you were voting for?” Mr. Vegetable thought Cooper’s prying was “a little tough” on him. “I just arrived,” he whined. Is anybody home? If the people of Rhode Island continue to employ Mr. Space Case, they should be banned from participating in the General Election.

Martin O’Malley served as the mayor of one of the most violent and murderous cities and the only thing he managed to do was imprison more people than anyone before him. Annnd…nothing changed. Baltimore is as safe as Medellin, Colombia and what’s worse, the Ravens suck too now.

Has anyone told Jim Webb he might be running for the wrong party? Guns for hunting and protection? Mr. Webb, haven’t you learned yet? According to your party, the only time a gun is fired is when a maniac with bad eyesight crosses into a gun-free zone and uses the students and teachers with good eyesight for target practice. This man was a marine, a journalist, Secretary of the Navy, Assistant Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs, Counsel for the United States House Committee on Veterans’ Affairs, and he wrote a good book titled Born Fighting.  He has experience, common sense, brains, and balls. There were instances where it appeared Mr. Webb may have been a little close to mortar explosions a few too many times, but this Democrat candidate actually sounded like an American.

I’m afraid one day Bernie Sanders is going to have a heart attack on stage. He’s too old to get so excited.  I can see why the Bernster resonates with people. He believes what he says and he means well. Although he gets a little jumbled up sometimes—at 100, we’re just glad he makes any sense at all—he doesn’t mince words. Everyone agrees the game needs to be changed to some degree—the corporate behemoths have too much influence on our laws. But someone needs to tell ole’ Bern to stop making it rain with the word “free.” Like Mr. Webb said, “Where is the money for all this free stuff coming from?”

Cruella De Vil was the only one who could complete a statement without stuttering, spitting, looking at the camera, or asking the audience for help. Unfortunately, she’s so full of it that even a large portion of the mostly misinformed Democrats know it. She has taken Romney’s trophy for flip-flopping and opened her own league.

Democrats are bonkers. They treat the deficit like a myth and talk about climate change as if they live on a melting glacier. And since an $18 trillion deficit is phony bologna, why not educate illegals and give them medical benefits? Make it rain. While we’re at it, let’s make sure these illegals who know nothing about Democracy can vote in America.

I tried to approach this debate with an open mind. I wanted to learn what can possibly compel people to consider anyone on the Democratic ticket a realistic, sensible option. I learned that crazy speaks to crazy, nonsense to nonsense.

 Paul Dragu is a freelance writer from Gainesville, Georgia. Visit Paul @ PaulDragu.com