As controversy swirls around Donald Trump’s saying that he and Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto did not discuss which country would pay for the border wall that Trump pledges to build and the Mexican president later tweeting that he told Trump that Mexico would not pay for it, RedState has uncovered information yet to be discovered by any other outlet that could change the dynamics of the presidential campaign.
From the same source from which RedState was able to alert its readers about a secret group working to erect “Ready for Hillary” signs in front of prisons across the country, we exclusively learned early this morning that that group’s highly-regarded spokesperson is now also a top secret advisor to Trump, a development some suggest is certain to lead to a significant uptick in Hillary Clinton’s outbursts of ticking and twitching that keeps making her look like she’s experiencing seizures.
Within minutes of the media reporting about the conflicting comments by Trump and the Mexican president regarding payment for the wall, this mystery person signed on as a top secret Trump advisor and only minutes later was proposing an astonishing secret plan that virtually guarantees once and for all the end of illegal crossings at the US-Mexican border. His plan includes a massive wall for which Mexico will – definitely will – bear the entire cost.
Following is a transcript of RedState’s conversation with this new top secret Trump advisor:
RedState: Congratulations on your new role. Will this in any way affect your work for the secret group Justice for All and the campaigns you and they are conducting to erect “Ready for Hillary” signs in front of as many prisons as possible across the country and to re-name the Clinton Correctional Facility in Dannemora, New York, the Hillary Clinton Correctional Facility?
Spokesperson: Not in the slightest. I’m committed to doing as much of the country’s vital work as possible.
RedState: Don’t you have a name by which we can address you?
Spokesperson: I do and you can’t. I told you before: we’re dealing with the Clintons here and I’m not a member of any “Lives Matter” group. Enough said.
RedState: How about we call you “Secret Guy” rather than “Spokesperson”? After all, you’ve now come out as a top secret Trump advisor.
Spokesperson: Fine. Secret Guy it is. No need to make it Top Secret Guy.
RedState: Will Donald Trump at some point be announcing who you are and what your role is?
Secret Guy: No chance. He doesn’t know. I haven’t informed him of my decision to be a Trump advisor and I have no intention of formally doing so. Like I told you, it’s top secret.
RedState: So, let us get this right: You are so top secret a Trump advisor that Trump himself doesn’t even know you’re a Trump advisor?
Secret Guy: Exactly. So top secret, in fact, that this is perhaps America’s only top secret that Hillary Clinton will be unable to find a way to share with America’s enemies.
RedState: But we understand that through RedState exclusively you are prepared to tell America the astonishingly brilliant plan you propose that virtually guarantees to once and for all put an end to illegal crossings at the US-Mexican border. No administration has been able to accomplish this. No one has ever thought of a way.
Secret Guy: Yes. Until now.
RedState: And your plan will result in a massive wall along the US-Mexican border for which Mexico will – will – bear the entire cost. The entire cost. Isn’t this impossibly difficult to pull off?
Secret Guy: It’s simple and it’s easy. And so obvious. Probably that’s why Washington hasn’t been able to figure it out.
RedState: No one has. Please explain. But, first, it won’t be a secret once you do — so how do you explain this?
Secret Guy: I decide what I keep secret and when to declassify my own secrets. Just like the government does. I’ve kept it secret until this very moment as a favor to RedState. Your breaking this story exclusively should win you a Pulitzer. Now…You need to think about history and how the changing geopolitical situation makes my proposal such an obvious solution. Can’t believe I’m the only one to grasp it. It just requires smart adaptation to post-Cold War political realities.
RedState: How so?
Secret Guy: Back when we had the Soviet Union around we faced a situation in which we needed to be greatly concerned that Communist Cuba was just 90 miles from our shore and that the Communists were making great strides in Central America. Reagan was wisely countering them by aiding the Contras, the anti-Communists, while the Democrats were advocating that we dispatch Welcome Wagon to help the Commies get settled in our neighborhood. Facing all this Soviet-backed messing with us, real Americans were rightly worried what a horrible situation America would be confronted with if a Communist regime came to power in Mexico. Following me?
RedState: What you’re saying is true, but how does this have any bearing whatsoever on the matter of a massive border wall along the US-Mexican border and Mexico’s somehow having to bear the enormous cost of its construction.
Secret Guy: You really don’t get it, huh? You will. With the collapse of the Soviet Union we no longer need to worry so much about Mexico’s going Communist. Who cares? Get it? And that’s the solution no one but me has figured out by thinking outside the box the way I do.
RedState: What? What’s the solution?
Secret Guy: We have the CIA overthrow the Mexican government and install a Communist regime.
Secret Guy: Think about it. What is the one thing – the only thing – that Commies are great at doing? Keeping people in! They are really truly great at keeping people in! Why should we spend so much on keeping people out – something we are obviously no good at – when we could instead simply let the Commies spend their money on keeping them in.
RedState: They’d build a border wall?
Secret Guy: Commies love building walls. Remember the Berlin Wall? Now, of course, I know its going up was not, on balance, a good thing. Yet I should remind you that it was not entirely without any benefit.
Secret Guy: We never experienced hearing a telephone message telling us to Press 1 for English and 2 for East German.
RedState: Wouldn’t Mexico be upset about its government being overthrown by our CIA?
Secret Guy: Maybe. Maybe not. Every news report about Trump’s visit to Mexico mentions how the Mexican people cannot stand President Enrique Pena Nieto and consider him a crook. Some of them, I hear, refer to him as “Our Hillary.” Anyhow, we would never confirm that the CIA orchestrated the installation of Mexico’s new wall-building-loving Commie government.
RedState: But we’re talking about it right here!
Secret Guy: You need to brush up on your international diplomacy. When the Commie regime takes over and begins making plans to build the border wall and some try to pin it on our CIA we just say maybe it occurred because some Commies read this RedState interview while working on opposition research for the Democrat National Committee and stole my plan. Everyone knows that pirating is the preferred method of innovation with Commies.
RedState: What about…
Secret Guy (interrupting): Anyhow, up goes the wall. The border is finally secure. Mexicans are able to find work at home building the wall. Problem solved.
RedState: Who could complain?
Secret Guy: Only the US Chamber of Commerce, businesses that hate paying real wages and the unions. The Chamber and cheapskate businesses because they’ve lost the leverage illegal immigration gives them over US citizens and the unions because the border wall is being build using all that cheap Mexican labor. But guess which US competitor that has become so accustomed to our being their lackeys that my plan really sticks it to?
Secret Guy: The Chinese Commies.
RedState: How’s that?
Secret Guy: The US-Mexican border runs some 2,000 miles. Any wall that runs that long, even if broken up here and there, is a GREAT WALL. And even though it will, of course, have to be built on the Mexican side of the border we will brand it as The Great Wall of America.
RedState: Are you saying that just calling it that really sticks it to the Chinese Communists?
Secret Guy: Of course not. Think about it: The Great Wall of China is China’s biggest tourism draw. After centuries it’s still the world’s only Great Wall. Why should we continue to let a foe have a monopoly on such a thing? No tourist ever travels to see a Good Wall; you need a Great Wall to bring in big tourism revenue. Not too hard to figure out. Well, now people in the US wouldn’t have to go all the way to China to see a Great Wall. Tourists who’ve seen China’s will want to come see The Great Wall of America (again, the branding is important). Tourists from all over the world, even from China, will be pouring into Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and southern California to spend money in those states while visiting The Great Wall of America. That’ll tick off the Red Rats ruling China like nothing else anyone has ever come up with.
RedState: So besides securing the US-Mexican border at last with a Great Wall for which the Mexican government will indeed bear the entire cost, your plan offers this incredible bonus of helping shift the flow of money between China and the US back in our favor once again thanks to the incredible influx of tourism dollars it will bring?
Secret Guy: Bingo!
RedState: Can I ask one final question?
Secret Guy: One.
RedState: From what you said at the beginning of our conversation we take it that going forward you will be both a top secret Trump advisor and the spokesperson for the secret group that is campaigning to get patriots to erect “Ready for Hillary” signs in front of as many prisons as possible across the country in help make people think prison when they think Hillary Clinton. Is this correct?
Secret Guy: Yes. And you will be invited to attend our news conference next week in which we will uncover a scandal having to do with The Suspect Hillary Clinton that has been overlooked by the media, overlooked by prosecutors, overlooked by nearly every Republican and – pains me to have to say this – even overlooked by RedState.
RedState: Count on RedState being there.