Star Wars Is Now Lesbian Space Witches...I'm Not Kidding

Andrew Matthews/PA via AP

I didn't need to tell you that Star Wars is on the decline. I've been writing about it for years now. However, it's reached what I can only hope is rock bottom, though I'm not trusting to hope.  

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In the third and most recent episode of "The Acolyte," the latest Star Wars outing that Kathleen Kennedy is limping to the barn with, you're introduced to a coven of lesbian space witches. I'm not going to get into who they are or what they're called. I don't care enough and neither do you at this point. It's a dumb franchise with dumb people at the helm. 

But just to show you how everything that becomes infected with the woke mind virus turns to absolute dung, let's see what this coven of lesbian space witches are up to. 

In this scene, they're conducting a ritual to immaculately conceive twins with a song and some fun little hand gestures. 

This is just a moment of absolutely horrific writing embedded in a pile of horrific writing. Head writer Leslye Headland, Harvey Weinstein's former right-hand girl and now Kennedy's lackey, has no writing chops and it shows. The show is filled with all the "subversion of expectations" that's become so common nowadays that you can predict where the show is going to go long before it gets there. 

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As Erik Kain over at Forbes wrote of the episode: 

This entire episode is a bad joke. We learn that Mae and Osha lived with their mothers in a society of witches, all of whom are female. It appears they were conceived using the Force. Or something. Force-using witches are also apparently frowned upon in this galaxy. They call the Force, the Thread. I’m getting Dark Side vibes here, though I’m also getting the sense that this show will try to be all edgy and make the Jedi out to be the bad guys. Which we’ve seen play out about half a dozen times at this point.

This trope of the good guys actually being the bad guys and the bad guys turning out to be the good guys is a long-dead horse that modern writers can't stop beating, especially the ones at Disney. It feels like it's the only card these woke writers have to play that makes them look even a little bit competent, but as has been made pretty clear by the audience reviews, it's not fooling viewers. 

Also, there will come the inevitable "this failed because Star Wars fans are sexist and racist" excuse. This isn't a prediction. It's already happening, as Kennedy diehards are screaming from the rafters that hatred for this show is primarily coming from white men threatened by people who don't look like them in their hobbies and fandoms. The shield they hide behind is the claim that they're making Star Wars inclusive for everyone, but in doing so they excluded a large swath of fans by focusing on messaging, not writing. 

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(READ: Star Wars Was Better When the Force Wasn't Female)

What we're not fans of is just embarrassing moments like the one above, spawned from horrific writing, born from a focus on socio-political messaging. 

To be clear, this singular scene just ruined Star Wars canon. The force is something everyone can access. Anakin Skywalker is no longer special due to his being born immaculately via the force. He's not the chosen one anymore. He's just some dude. 

Also, there is no dark or light side of the force anymore. There's no good or evil. 

It's all just garbage. Abject garbage. 

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