The Latest Fractured Media Nominations: Climate Insomnia, Clown Punditry, Kardashian Laxatives, and More!

The Remmy Awards - Special Honors Trophy. (Credit: AI image/Grok)

It is time for a new round of nominations for nefarious news nonsense! In recognizing the efforts of the unprofessional press, journalistic sloth, and deserved media mockery, we nominate the efforts for end-of-the-year honors. To commemorate the past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we have created The Golden Remington Awards. Our trophy honors the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on those hefty wordsmith devices.

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Regularly, we compile some of the most fractured examples of journalism, nominating them for the un-coveted dishonor of “winning” our un-distinguished Remmy Award. At the end of the year, we recognize the greats by gathering examples in a number of categories and judiciously choosing the deserving performances

Here are the latest nominees for The Remmys.

Distinguished Local Reporting 

  • Jessica Hill, Ricardo Torres-Cortez - Las Vegas Review-Journal

In another example of the press having reflexive opposition to Trump administration decisions regarding immigration, the Vegas paper was upset about the recent decision to rescind protected status for hundreds in the area. Citing that Honduran and Nicaraguan residents were now at risk of being sent back, one expert whined that DHS was actually creating more undocumented immigrants as a result, referring to those who were granted the status as a result of hurricane effects suffered in their homeland.

What the paper failed to contemplate is that these folks were granted this protection, yet it has been a quarter of a century since they were given a status considered to be “temporary.”

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Eugene Robinson - MSNBC

For the July 4th holiday, the MSNBC commentator saw a need to make things racial. He tried to explain that the fathers of our country would probably be bothered to learn that a current president spoke about hating the other party. He needed to pretend there was no political division back in their day, but then, for no apparent reason, he turned to race.

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Daniels next dropped a non-sequitur about how those same men would react to seeing the likes of him on a TV screen. “You know, I wonder what the Founding Fathers would think, those slave-owning ones, about us on this show also.”

We are relatively certain they would marvel at the concept of television and doubtful they would be consumed with outrage over the race of those seen on the magic box.

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

  • Ryan Nobles, Melanie Zanona - NBC News

In the sheer desperation to minimize the Joe Biden Autopen scandal, these two wizards from NBC tried to suggest that signing a personal online document with a digital signature was the same thing as random White House staff using the signature device to sign thousands of pardons without the president’s awareness. The most revealing detail in all of this is how they worked harder to expose House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer (R-KY) with this neutered gotcha report than they did investigating a probable presidential scandal.

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Distinguished Public Service

  • The Miami Herald

Something tells us that by now, residents in South Florida might be aware of the presence of this facility:

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Matthew Glasser, Dr. Ilan Kokotek - ABC News

There is very little that is not in some way affected by the Global Climate-Environmental Warming Change Crisis. Now we learn from the experts at ABC News that there is another dastardly result.

It is leading to an increase in snoring.

Govern yourselves accordingly.

Distinguished Editorial Writing

  • Tim Cunningham - Washington Post

Nothing says you are a serious news outlet seeking to revamp its reputation as a trusted news source than turning over your op-ed space to a rubber-nosed crank. Seriously, we get this editorial from an avowed clown, who is seemingly disturbed that President Trump is frequently compared to his avocation.

We have to suppose that any day now they will be running an editorial from a Nazi, complaining that the constant comparisons of Trump and Republicans to the Third Reich are degrading the elevated stature of their fascist movement.

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Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  • Guy Trebay - The New York Times

We learn today from The Times Style Section that the best way for the pampered set in this nation to display their privileged, wealthy stature is to adorn themselves in a lack of color. Apparently, the best way to flaunt your exquisite taste and style is to display a lack of such.

“To be fashionably superrich, is to be clad in the anodyne colors of baby food, tea cookies or screen savers: latte, oatmeal, cream, butterscotch, café au lait.”

The Silver Ricecake Platter (for content-free reporting, sponsored by Quaker)

  • Barret Wertz - New York Post

We don't give a damn about the Kardashians, but now we see that they in fact do give one.

We are certain this was done in a bid to promote a product and earn some royalties from click-through commerce, but frankly, what writer would not feel a level of shame in covering their own fecal stagnation trials, and the relief experienced after using a product provided by a Kardashian?!?! Well, Barret Wertz is such a writer.

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We could have done without Barret detailing how he was helped in the process to defecate, using Kourtney Kardashian Barker’s gut-friendly go-poo-poo gummies. And we also could have done without the photo of her promoting her line of luxury laxatives by lounging on a loo.

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