The Remmys Journalism Dis-Honors: Donut Trolls, Cleavage Polls, Loo Rolls, and Cannibals

In recognizing the dregs of press unprofessionalism, journalistic sloth, and generally deserved media mockery, we have created "The Golden Remington Awards," a nod to the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on those hefty wordsmith devices. With an eye to that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we acknowledge those who fail today in an audacious fashion.

These are the inauspicious nominations, in several categories, for this year’s Remmys.

Distinguished National Reporting

Jennifer Bendery - Huffington Post

When Mark Robinson won the nomination for the North Carolina gubernatorial race, Bendery managed to conveniently “unearth” a new video. (You are a liar and a communist, if you suggest they were sitting on that video all this time!) This featured Robinson giving a speech where - according to Bendery - he said he wanted to take America back to the time before women were permitted to vote.

Then you see Robinson’s full quote. He was explaining that if we were to go back to the time period, we would see the Republicans once again working to get women’s suffrage passed. What is rather remarkable is Bendery posted the video of Robinson’s full speech, so we can see and hear for ourselves just how deceptive she was in her post.

NEW:

Newly unearthed video of N.C. GOP gubernatorial nominee Mark Robinson in 2020: "I absolutely want to go back to the America where women couldn’t vote." https://t.co/dAlCe2DhPL
— Jennifer Bendery (@jbendery) March 6, 2024

Distinguished Public Service

David Ingram - NBC News

Many have seen the disturbing reports out of Haiti, where social unrest and political upheaval are leading to all manner of inequities - including the emergence of cannibal gangs! Looking over all of these disturbing images and reports, David Ingram of NBC News has found the biggest problem: Conservatives have noticed these things!

Right-wing pundits online are weaponizing unverified claims of cannibalism coming out of the conflict to advance a political agenda on immigration.

Sounds like dastardly stuff! It also sounds patently ridiculous, since in his fifth paragraph, Ingram manages to verify that there are, in fact, cannibal gangs on the island.

NBC NEWS: “Conservatives are OUT OF LINE suggesting there are Haitian cannibals!!”

NBC NEWS (same article:
“There are…um, gangs that are eating people, including The Cannibal Army. But it is unacceptable for those on the right to notice!” https://t.co/bgrBZHitv8 pic.twitter.com/0Sr0eWpqjl
— Brad Slager: Flips On The Highbeams In Fog Of War (@MartiniShark) March 14, 2024

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

David Frum - The Atlantic

On the once-again reconstituted CNN morning show, the new panel of hosts felt it would be a ratings grabber to bring on debased former conservative David Frum. You could sense the palpable feeling of mistaken efforts, as Frum addressed the topic of Joe Biden and Donald Trump securing the nominations for the general election.

This may come as a shock, but Frum does not like Trump! (In case you missed the last eight years of his commentary.) But then, he lapsed into what he must have felt was a trenchant metaphor for the election; you see the CNN panelist sitting silently, attempting to grasp Frum’s wisdom, as he described Trump as a comet threatening to destroy Earth, and Joe Biden was the elderly rocket ship captain sent to deflect the threat from the planet.

Wake up with wild analogies! David Frum compares the re-election of Trump to a giant comet striking the Earth. And "if you're told the captain of the ship who's supposed to detonate the device that diverts the comet, may be a little old...." Well, he's the captain we have! pic.twitter.com/xeSPQCIyID
— Tim Graham (@TimJGraham) March 13, 2024

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

Slate

For reasons unclear to anyone not familiar with the desperation to generate website traffic, Slate has been particularly focused on the breasts of actress Sydney Sweeney. First, they published a piece claiming that conservatives were particularly focused on Ms. Sweeney’s balcony, and how it supposedly has brought an end to wokeness. (Most would call this a win/win scenario, for the record.)

But then, as if to prove how obsessed conservatives are with a luminary’s adipose mammary privilege, Slate delivered yet another piece on Sweeney’s assets, declaring them not all that impressive. This was made better by Xitter’s community note on the topic.

It needs to be said: Sydney Sweeney's boobs are not that big https://t.co/L4hbmNEs9a
— Slate (@Slate) March 11, 2024

Distinguished Local Reporting

Megan Schaltegger - Delish

In what will surely appear in a future episode of “Law & Order: Long Island,” we get a gripping account of a breakfast pastry scam that has been blown wide open! A vegan food mart sold gluten-free, organic donuts, which were delivered from a local vegan bakery, when one day something curious appeared in the trays of goods sent over. One donut appeared with frosting and garishly colored sprinkles on top, apparently in the shape of the letter “D."

The management pulled the delivery and commissioned a home gluten test kit to be employed, and discovered that the suspicious pastry was, in fact, laden with gluten. This happened because the bakery attempted to pass off items from Dunkin' [Donuts] as vegan selections.

‘Vegan’ Bakery Exposed For Buying & Re-Selling Dunkin’ Donuts To Customers https://t.co/7vvW5Ks0j5
— Delish (@Delish) March 7, 2024

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

Andrew Court - New York Post

In 2023, one of the more asinine developments in the press complex was the coverage of gas stoves. The outlets wavered between the Biden administration wanting to curtail their use, to this being nothing more than a conservative conspiracy, to the stoves being a danger needing to be banned. This all played out in the span of a week, by the way.

Since then, there have been sporadic pieces about what a threat these ovens - used for centuries - pose to the populace. The NY Post delivered this dire warning, and you have to understand it is based upon a study where a sealed-off kitchen used sensors to measure the trapped gasses. In other words, the eggheads contrived a setup that no home uses, to dictate that proper ventilation is needed, which every kitchen already has in place.

Then there is the matter of this headline, which makes many wonder just how many people are cooking on mufflers.

Cooking on a gas stove? It may be 100 times more dangerous than a car’s muffler, study finds https://t.co/RfYBZO6VqU pic.twitter.com/t13R32ss6N
— New York Post (@nypost) March 15, 2024

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

Chris Hayes - MSNBC

During one of his recent broadcasts, MSNBC's prime-time pundit was playing the role of Joe Biden campaign manager. In a lengthy segment, the unbiased, non-partisan, and neutral Hayes instructed us on why it was vital to keep Biden in the White House, using an array of graphs on numerous categories showing how wondrous things are under Biden.

One Xitter account responded to his presentation on falling crime statistics, and brought up the issue of illegal immigrant crime by invoking the name of the co-ed in Georgia recently killed, but using the name as it was butchered during the State of the Union address.

Hayes saw this representation and - shall we say - he pounced. It is quite amusing to see the expert pundit insulting the intelligence of someone misusing the name “Lincoln,” all while not realizing he was slandering the intellect of one Joe Biden.

He cares so much about this young woman he couldn’t be bothered to take three seconds to google the spelling of her name. https://t.co/tymQKp8uXD
— Chris Hayes (@chrislhayes) March 13, 2024

The New York Post Headline Writing Medal

British Broadcasting Corporation

Semi-truck spills on roadways are something of a reporting staple. The blaring details of a highway strewn with a copious number of foreign objects are irresistible reading for many, and the visuals are pure catnip for readers. That stated, it takes some work for an outlet to distinguish itself in this arena.

Recognition goes out to the BBC for finding the proper description of such a calamity, which ties in nicely with the cargo scattered across the asphalt in Los Angeles. The use of the term "loo rolls" was just a bonus.