Pulitzer Prize Dis-Honors: Fascist Bovine Engagement, Sympathy for the Vagrants, and Painting Penises On the Pavement

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism that is worthy of a skewed version of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions for the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.


Distinguished Public Service

  • Joyce Cohen — New York Times

At the New York Times, there is a somewhat popular column called The Hunt, Where Joyce Cohen covers the efforts of locals looking for lodging in the city. Her content involves both sides of the process, from the locations and the challenges in finding places to the individuals and their sometimes quirky requirements (It needs to be near a dog park, but the front door CAN NOT face North.) It seems that Cohen’s writing on details of the pricing and the deal-making has her involved in a dicey scheme.

Cohen is being sued by a current landlord for back rent of $35,000. He says his tenants illegally sublet their place to Cohen, and she is claiming the rents should be lower, for the Upper West apartment 2 blocks from Central Park.

The Mattas claimed that Cohen and Meltzer had a “scheme to live for free,” which they said was all the more offensive given Cohen’s “extensive real estate knowledge and abundant real estate connections” as a writer of the “Hunt” column.


Distinguished Local Reporting

  • Damien Trujillo — KNTV/NBC Bay Area

The words to describe what was captured on video in San Jose are filled with import. “Controversial”, “Stunning”, “Shock”, “Concerning”. This is all based on a clip posted on Instagram that showed a firetruck, with its lights on, as it pulls up to a strip club and then a woman in a bikini gets out of the cab and walks into the establishment.


Trujillo spoke with numerous business owners, customers, and city officials about this incident that has supposedly rocked this community. I am at a loss, considering the things we have witnessed in Gay Pride parades and other events in this area that we have been told are acceptable and make anyone complaining a prude.


Distinguished International Reporting

  • Jonathan Killick — Stuff -New Zealand

Provoking Penis-Painting Pothole Picasso Prevails Politically!  In North Aukland resident Geoff Upland has won a seat on the Rodney Local Board. He achieved this victory as a result of his quest to get local officials to address the problem of potholes in their region. His method of notification did turn a few heads — he was prone to spray painting a penis on the potholes, hoping to motivate road crews to repair the motorway divots.

When recognized initially police informed Upland he could face a $3,500 fine for each asphalt phallus. This caused him to change tactics. He then began leaving rubber ducks in the holes as his campaign message.



Distinguished Feature Writing

  • John Leland — New York Times

As the crime wave in New York City only expands it appears there is little in the way of motivation from local journalists to motivate the city leaders to take control of the streets. Instead, these woke local scribes are looking to be part of the problem, as they are prone to coddle the offenders, based on this lengthy think piece from John Leland.

It all centers on one female resident who was out walking her dog when she was attacked by a vagrant. She was physically assaulted and her dog was killed in the process. In his write-up of the event, and in speaking with various residents and leaders, we see that there is not outrage over what happened from Leland, but more of a call for understanding. The last thing we would want is to appear insensitive towards a violent criminal, after all.

The man is Black, the dog owner white; the adjoining neighborhood is famously progressive, often critical of the police and jail system. At the same time, crime is up in the neighborhood, with attacks by emotionally disturbed people around the city putting some residents on edge. In a dog-loving, progressive enclave, where pushing law and order can clash with calls for social justice, what’s the right thing to do? How do you protect the public without furthering injustice against this man?



Distinguished Local Reporting

  • Peter Salter — Lincoln Journal-Star

Local reporting is the bedrock of journalism, and this Editor’s Pick from the LJS team is no exception. While the Nebraska Cornhuskers football team is having a tough year the fans are no less passionate about their squad, and some of them are a bit dismayed as they look to find the appropriate gear to show support while in the stands. It seems Corn Head headgear is no longer found in area stores and the stadium shop, and Salter looked into this matter.

It appears orders have not been filled for two years from the outfit in Wisconsin that produced the cob crowns, the same company that makes the famous Cheeze Head headwear for Green Bay Packers fans. After some earlier indications the company was unable to fill orders due to the supply chain crisis limiting raw goods availability, it appears the company might be out of business entirely. Now Husker fans have to make do with sub-standard plush variations of their beloved kernel lids.


Distinguished International Reporting

  • Tristan Fielder — Politico

The controversial selection in Italy of Georgia Meloni as the new prime minister is already having an effect on the international stage. The first female to lead that country has been both celebrated and criticized, as many are claiming that she is the figurehead of a fascist uprising. This conflicting impression of the many is reflected in an incident that has taken place — in Uganda.


There, an Army general announced his support for Meloni, and this in turn provoked the country’s president to issue an apology. The conflicting messages are made all the more dramatic, as the general in question is the son of President Yoweri Museveni. The son, Muhoozi Kainerugaba went on social media to ask his followers as a bride price how many heads of cattle he should offer PM Meloni to become his wife.

In our culture you give a girl you like a cow. “I would give her 100 Nkore cows immediately! For being fearless and true!!” he wrote.


Distinguished National Reporting

  • Noah Goldberg — Los Angeles Times

A California man (of course) is suing the makers of Texas Pete hot sauce because he came to find out that the product is not made in Texas. The man is saying he was duped by the labeling — into buying one bottle. As a result, he has filed a lawsuit, with the lawyers hoping it to become a class-action case.

This is despite the fact the labeling actually states it is made in Winston-Salem, and the family initially concocted the sauce and brand about 100 years ago. It has been producing hot sauce in its current location since the 1940s. But this has all come as a complete surprise to the marketplace, according to the lawyers.



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