Pulitzer Prize Dis-Honors: Tampon Stocks Slide, Millions for a Sexy Ride, and LGBT Parade Canceled by Pride

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

 

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Alana Semuels – Time Magazine

Joe Biden is about to face yet another economic crisis. Much like the baby formula shortage, there is a growing problem women are facing with a feminine hygiene products shortage. Time magazine is on the front line of this story, and in keeping with many in the press, they are looking to set the blame for this onto anyone but Joe Biden.

Semuels thinks she has struck on a novel target – men. Sure, let’s blame a tampon shortage on sexism, because men run some of the companies, and the last thing they want to do is have their products available in the marketplace in order to turn a profit, goes this theory.

 

Distinguished Local Reporting

  • Izzy Karpinssky – Fox News 59, Indiana

He ran the risk of catching an STD! Shelbyville angler Richard Kesar hauled in an impressive catch recently and noted the fish sported a rather distended belly. Once home he was filleting his catch and came upon…er, rather, he discovered something penetrating. It turned out the catfish had swallowed a discarded sex toy.

 

Distinguished National Reporting

  • Jalen Beckford – CNN

On the topic of STDs, news comes out…er, has been reported that a court ruled insurance giant Geico must pay out a huge sum for a different type of auto accident. A woman in Missouri was awarded a $5.2 million settlement for an episode that may have ironically taken just 15 minutes. The court ruled in her favor, after she argued that she contracted HPV from her boyfriend after having sex in the backseat of his car. Maybe you can call it an earth-moving violation.

 

Distinguished Local Reporting

  • Fox 32 Chicago

Reports have come out that a problem has arisen for the city of Aurora’s LGBT parade, which was schuduled to be staged this weekend. This was not a problem created by local authorities but by the event organizers. In May, the group behind the parade announced that they would not permit police to participate in uniform, and with their weapons. The event staged to promote inclusiveness and tolerance declared they could not tolerate having a police presence.

The parade website explained the intention was to make everyone feel welcomed and included, so the police were not welcome to participate, and as a result, will not be included. Aurora Police Sergeant Lee Catavu said he and his colleagues who typically march are opting out this year, and this led to organizers being unable to fulfill the safety requirements to stage a parade. Because of this, the parade has been canceled.

 

Distinguished Feature Reporting

  • Adriana Gomez Licon – Associated Press

In reporting on the announcement that a consortium of investors with ties to the Democratic party would be purchasing a number of Spanish-language radio stations, the AP reported on the reactions in the Miami area. They quoted a number of individuals, with one curious inclusion.

Martha Flores, who hosts an evening show on Radio Mambi, isn’t sure about that. She attended the news conference but declined to speak.

The major issue with this is that Flores passed away two years ago.

This story was first published on June 9, 2022. It was updated on June 11, 2022 to remove comments erroneously attributed to Martha Flores, former host of a show on Radio Mambi in Miami, one of the stations in the proposed deal. Flores died in 2020. The comments were made by another woman. This version of the story removes those comments.

The AP makes no indication who they had actually spoken to, nor how this misattribution even took place.

 

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  •  Amanda Mull – The Atlantic

It is not readily apparent how many people are looking to The Atlantic for advice and updates on getting into shape, but the outlet is here for their guidance. The current focus is on sit-ups. It turns out, like a fashion trend, the exercise employed for generations has become passé and has fallen out of fitness fashion.

Yes, the sit-up has been canceled.

 

Distinguished Reporting On Frozen Desserts (the Joe Biden Honor)

  • Annie Karni, Luke Broadwater – The New York Times

The Times went into great detail to explain all of the magnificence in the new hearing shown on numerous networks, making it sound like it was must-see-TV. While gushing over what all of this could mean for the Democrats, we also get treated to some of the communal and ebullient results of the televised event.

Democrats have met with networks about carrying the hearing live in prime time. Activists have scheduled more than 90 watch events in various states, including a ‘flagship’ event at the Robert A. Taft Memorial and Carillon in Washington, where a large screen will be set up and attendees will get free ice cream.”