Pulitzer Prize Parody Nominations: Fake Christmas Mailings, Political Kittens Mewling, and Oversexed Curling

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

 

Distinguished Public Service

  • Davey Alba — New York Times

The press is ever vigilant in helping us filter through the approved news items of the day and the dastardly attempts to foist misinformation on us by disreputable sources. One of the ways we learned to be vigilant against these deceivers is made by the New York Times — beware of cute kitten videos!

 

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

  • Daniel Dale — CNN

You would think that with all of the creative claims coming out of the Biden Administration that our media fact-checkers would be working overtime to get us the accurate information for our own benefit, as well as preserving democracy.

Nah, who has time for that, when fake Christmas cards are being shared on social media?!

Daniel Dale was spry as he leaps to the fore to let us know that a Donald Trump digital card being shared across Twitter and elsewhere is not – repeat, NOT REAL. He certainly did this for our benefit and was not at all a ruse for him to redistribute the rather phallic imagery displayed in the Yuletide gag.

 

Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Joe Kinsey – Outkick

In the run-up to the Winter Olympics this coming February, a qualifying tournament is being held in the Netherlands. NBC Sports usually covers the events, but the recent match between Team USA and Japan was not broadcast. The US Curling Federation explained there was a problem with an onsite sponsor, and they directed viewers to a streaming website where the games could be viewed.

Over at Outkick, they tracked down what the issue was behind the blackout. It seemed the network had an issue with a toy company that was one of the featured advertisers at the rink where the games were held. More specifically, it was the fact that the sponsor was the maker of adult sex toys.

 

Distinguished Editorial Writing

  • Erin Aubrey Kaplan – New York Times

A woman decided to place one of those trendy, miniature library boxes on her property for her minority community. One day, she noticed that a white couple was browsing some of the titles. This set off alarm bells, and naturally, the writer’s mind leaped to a natural conclusion – this would lead to her town becoming gentrified!

Uh…sure. Not only did the stunted editorial team allow this idiocy to get printed, but when alleging racism could be at play, maybe the writer should not have tipped her hand that she got the idea to install the mini-library after a visit to an affluent white community.

In other words, which she would likely understand, this was all due to her engaging in cultural appropriation from the start. Oh, the humanity!

 

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Bree Fowler – CNET

As we are about to flip the calendar once again, we are reaching that time when outlets belch forth with their annual compilation entries. Gird yourself for “Best Of” lists and “Top 10” offerings involving everything from movies to food to fashion, and whatever else anyone thinks is important…or will satisfy their editors during the holiday stretch.

The nerds over at CNET came up with one of their vital listicles: The Top Emojis Used Worldwide In 2021. Frankly, since the surgical mask emoticon is not on the list, then I rate this with a ‘Meh’.

Distinguished Cultural Reporting

  • Ann Schmidt –Fox Business

For some time there has been a long-running herbal debate in food circles about whether the plant cilantro tastes wonderful, or tastes like a bar of Neutragena. The difference is said to be scientific, as a variation in a group of olfactory-receptor genes, single nucleotide polymorphisms named OR26A, allows a small segment of the population to strongly perceive the soapy character of aldehydes in cilantro leaves.

But since I’m a science denier, I don’t believe any of that crap.

As a result of this division in the marketplace the Mexican fast-food chain, Chipotle has, over the years, jokingly stated they would release a bar of cilantro soap. Well, the company has decided to put its hand cleanser where its mouth is, and they have released their own bar of herbal soap. Keep this in mind if you are stuck in a white elephant gift exchange, or you have Secret Santa obligations at the office.