Democrats Latest Election Complaint: Trump Is Making Me Fat!


Lardasses in the Resistance blame the President for their corpulence because they cannot resist Ring-Dings.


The real question here is not “The hell are you talking about?!”, but actually it is how has this not been blamed already?? Everything is awful, in the minds of the left, and anything that is a problem is immediately blamed on President Trump. This includes the girth-promoting dietary challenges Democrats face these days.


According to a study cited by NBC News the political stresses faced these days is leading the left to cope by stress-eating. According to the study conducted by YouGov our divisive climate means that Democrats cannot even, but they can eat, as a panacea.

The political climate is making Democrats ‘eat their feelings.’ Politics got you down? According to a new poll, Democrats are 50 percent more likely than Republicans to say they’re “eating their feelings.” They’re drinking more, too, as a result of the current political climate.


There cannot be too much surprise to this kind of revelation. As I wrote last month, Democrats have also been staking out real estate on therapist couches with a sharp frequency because they cannot come to terms with a Trump Presidency. There have been reports of millennials claiming Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder over the 2016 election. This is not a hardy generation, is what I am saying.

The rather lengthy article goes to lengths to help those who support the blue wave but cannot help having another doughnut with blue frosting. There is a list of banal advice doled out that would make Capt. Obvious roll his eyes.

  • Turn Off The News If You Need To.
  • Get Out Of Your Head And Out Into The Community
  • Don’t Keep Junk Food Or Booze At Home.
  • Don’t Engage In Negative Self-Talk (If you’re eating a tin of Pringles while you’re reading this, resist thinking badly about yourself.)

My personal favorite: Keep A Food-Mood Journal To Connect The Dots. I am picturing a pair shopping and one announcing they need to pick up a new journal, in order to tabulate their politics-induced binging. NBC reached out to a “psychotherapist, executive performance coach” for advice on the matter. Yes, there are tips for how to properly record your stress consumption in your Food-Mood Journal.

Make columns with the following headers: What type of food am I reaching for?; What’s my emotional state?; What’s going on in my life right now that’s leading to this emotion?; What’s an alternative behavior to eating [this if it’s unhealthy]?

As impactful as things can be politically on your metabolism — and your bikini line — I may suggest there could be issues found within your own sphere of the political spectrum. I mean, introspection is the strong-suit of this generation, no? While navel-gazing they will notice their deepening navel, so does it not stand to reason to also look inward as well as outward?


I direct your calorie-marinated brain pan to Texas. Maybe making a hero out of a skateboarding appropriator with the use of Whataburger could be a contributing factor? There are other avenues to explore, just saying.


for more socio-political talk, and opinions on bad movies, join me @MartiniShark


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