I Was Fine 'Til a New Report Found Most Americans Are Stricken With Anxiety

Everything was going along fine until I started seeing some recent news coverage about Americans feeling so much anxiety that a special government panel just recommended most of us be screened for anxiety affliction.


I wasn’t going to write about that. But then I worried that thousands of people like me might happily live their lives blissfully ignorant that they are secretly stricken with crippling anxieties that the government believes require treatment by new battalions of specialists.

Joe Biden doesn’t worry about much, except maybe when’s the next ice cream cone. Reliably sympathetic MSNBC even showed the alleged leader of the free world dozed off at an international summit on climate change, which Biden had said is the worst pending threat to our national security.

So, how would government anxiety screening work? Where would people go for it? Would you need a mask there? And possibly proof of COVID vaccinations?

I had not been feeling anxiety. That I knew of anyway. Have you? Other than President Van Winkle, of course.

Then I began feeling anxiety about not feeling anxiety. If most everyone else is feeling anxious, according to the new government report, why aren’t I? Is there something wrong with me? How do I find out? Where would I go? What kind of counseling could rid me of this silent affliction?

If I did need a mask to get screened for why I wasn’t feeling anxiety, I don’t remember where mine are anymore. I put them away because Joe Biden said the pandemic was over.


But then his handlers said, well, he didn’t really mean the whole COVID pandemic was over. Just parts of it. Which parts? How do they know what he meant? Did he know what he meant? I sure didn’t.

In recent weeks, I’d actually begun returning to news media. They stopped handing out daily doses of panic porn to keep us reading and clicking. You know, like new variants of the invisible virus that Anthony Fauci said he had nothing to do with creating in China. But now he’s suddenly retiring from the government. Why is that, by the way?

Fauci is getting like four-hundred grand a year for confusing everyone about masks and how well they work and what to do with them. If a recession is really coming, why is Fauci giving up that much guaranteed money when all he has to do is show up for Sunday news shows and say such things as the worst is yet to come?

Joe Biden says everything is OK. But what if he’s not OK?

It feels like I’m getting infected with this American anxiety virus. What are the symptoms? How would I know for sure? Or are media just lining up new anxiety variants because everyone like me tuned out the old frights?

Wait, a recession? That’s coming too? Really? Geez, more worry. On top of inflation, the stock market turning 401k’s into 301k’s, and McDonald’s killing off $1 drinks.


Economic reports show we’ve already had two consecutive quarters of negative economic growth this year, which is the standard recession definition. And we seem embedded in a third quarter right now.

Joe Biden says that isn’t really a recession. But he got lost trying to leave a stage last week. Kamala Harris said something too. No one understands her.

Anyway, they both live in government housing with servants. So, what would they know about living costs?

Where are media fact-checkers when you actually need them? They pounced on every single thing Donald Trump said, weighed them for veracity with the eager eyes of partisans, and ruled thousands false.

They said Trump’s Warp Speed promise to get a vaccine in a few months was impossible. Then, when he succeeded, they gave the new president credit for moving so quickly.

Joe Biden is flapping out whoppers every time he opens that mean mouth. Did you know he used to drive 18-wheelers? But no Democrats are willing to scan them for truth. The statements, not the trucks.

I realize now there really is a lot to worry about. That makes me part of the 75 percent of Americans with “a measurable degree of anxiety about the current state of the country and what to expect in the near future.”


The Wall Street Journal reported that for the first time ever a U.S. Preventive Services Task Force draft report has recommended screening all adults under 65 for anxiety disorders.

I worry about now how many billions more dollars – or maybe trillions, don’t underestimate this president’s ability to spend money — Joe Biden would print up to pay entire armies of professional anxiety counselors across the country.

They’d get unionized, of course, and — oh my — strike, and we’d have a counselor supply-chain crisis to match the baby-food one Joe Biden wasn’t worried until someone told him to be.

Turns out, the government Task Force also recommended screening every American adult for depression, even those of us like Fauci way over 65.

Now, that is depressing.


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