Amazon Buys MGM, and I'm Hoping Against a Pot of Gold

For those of you concerned that Amazon was too small an enterprise, I’m here to wipe your worries away.

As announced Wednesday, the retail titan went full Hollywood: To the tune of $8.45 billion, Jeff Bezos’s baby rattled Tinseltown with its biggest buy since 2017.

With its purchase of MGM, Amazon supersizes its Hollywood ambitions https://t.co/UurP79sOJV

— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) May 27, 2021

Four years ago, the company purchased Whole Foods for a whole $13.7 billion.

As you surely know, it’s not Amazon’s first foray into film — Amazon Prime boasts its own original video content.

But acquiring MGM’s a monstrous move.

As noted by the Los Angeles Times, the iconic corporation houses a library of “more than 4,000 movies and storied franchises including James Bond, Rocky and The Pink Panther.”

As for TV, the studio’s stocked with 17,000 episodes.

Per ABC News, MGM’s racked more than 100 Emmys and over 180 Academy Awards.

LA Times called the transaction “a watershed moment for the entertainment industry.”

Amazon was already set up in LA — from its Culver City headquarters, it’s cranked out hits such as series The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (54 Emmy nominations and wins) and the Oscar-nominated Borat Subsequent Moviefilm.

The follow-up to Sasha Baron Cohen’s 2006 hit, by the way, set a Guinness World Record: “longest title for a film nominated for an Oscar.”

Character count: 100.

ICYMI: Congratulations to the Adapted Screenplay nominees! #OscarNoms pic.twitter.com/vWy4wCJdUe

— The Academy (@TheAcademy) March 15, 2021

In a statement, Mike Hopkins — senior vice president of Prime Video and Amazon Studios — praised the procurement of profitable prominent property:

“The real financial value behind this deal is the treasure trove of IP [intellectual property] in the deep catalog that we plan to reimagine and develop together with MGM’s talented team. It’s very exciting and provides so many opportunities for high-quality storytelling.”

As observed by the Times, the company’s quite the shopaholic:

Amazon spent $11 billion on music and video content in 2020, up from $7.8 billion in 2019, according to Convergence Research Group. That amount is expected to grow to $15.5 billion this year, the firm forecasts. Amazon’s “Lord of the Rings” series alone is estimated to cost $465 million for one season.

But it can afford it — the pandemic didn’t hurt ’em none.

With everyone shut in, people took to internet commerce like hypochondriac moths to a COVID-free flame.

The results were startling: Last July, CEO Jeff made $13 billion in one day.

At the time, I mourned the mall:

As someone who grew up in the age of mallrats, personally, I fear the rainforest-themed retailer is on its way to putting all other businesses out. And there’s no Sbarro at my computer desk.

Is there any way to stop Amazon’s roaring and soaring dominance?

The site was already killin’ it, and then the pandemic hit. And for many of those still holding onto the brick-and-mortar experience, it was Welcome to the Jungle.

Farewell, my beloved Boardwalk Fries.

But ya gotta hand it to Bezos — he started small, and he just kept pluggin’ away:

#Inspiration This image really spoke to me. I had to share it https://t.co/Lr18nlsyw4 you never know… Jeff Bezos Desk 1999 Amazon @amazon I have to keep pushing forward! #InspirationMonday pic.twitter.com/NsglIrqU5L

— Alan Semsar (@AlanSemsar) January 9, 2018

Jeff Bezos becomes world’s richest person. He started Amazon with a desk that he built from a door. https://t.co/WO3zlzxHU2 pic.twitter.com/1MDvRJxGc3

— The Seattle Times (@seattletimes) October 27, 2017

And now he’s head of the Goliath that gave us The Wizard of Oz.

As it turned out, there was a pot of gold Somewhere Over his Rainbow — Amazon was worth $1.6 trillion at the start of the year.

Those yellow bricks on the road he’s walked were apparently 24 carat.

But there’s no Auntie Em.

Nor is there, I must assume, any anti-M……GM.

Jeff’s golden for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Speaking of a gold pot, hopefully this doesn’t sum up the movies he makes:

The artist behind a gold toilet which was stolen from Winston Churchill's former home over the weekend has asked the thieves to let him know "how it feels to pee on gold".

Read more on this story: https://t.co/0qj8C53IGB pic.twitter.com/4pe1l1E6wM

— Sky News (@SkyNews) September 16, 2019