Nudists Unite: A Change.Org Petition Fights to Have Shortsless Shindigs at Your Local Water Park

(AP Photo/Wong Maye-E)

Are naked and slippery two of your favorite things?

Do crevasses and crowds go together like peanut butter and chocolate?

If so, this story will melt in your mouth.


Perhaps you’ve found yourself there, again and again — at the water park, wondering, “Why isn’t everyone naked?”

You’re not alone.

And you might just be a signature away from a better world.

As it turns out, someone named “Dan WaterPark” has begun a petition aimed at the planet’s “Water Park Owner/Board of Directors.”

It seems Dan and his fellow nudists would like rent out a park for a slip-and-slide of the cottonless kind.

But the group’s been swimmin’ in rejection, and they’re ready to be ushered up down and all around by the waters of change.

As he surely does when sunbathing, Dan lays it out:

Hi there! We are US Naturist Water Park Tours, and we would like to have a clothes-free event at an indoor waterpark in (the) USA. On multiple occasions, Nudist/Naturist groups have tried to rent/book a private event at their local water park.

Dan says there was once a bunch ready to get nekkid en masse, and just as they were dropping their drawers, they had their plug pulled:

In one instance, the entire event was not only booked, but the event was sold out and guests were on their way when the park pulled its event at the last minute.

The organization’s downright chapped:

We’re tired of the false claims and misinformation being broadcasted by ignorant naysayers and having the park pull their support over the noise a tiny but loud few.


Dan’s pantsing prejudice:

We have a right as a customer or potential booking partner to have our events just the same as some big corporation. It’s time for change. With this campaign, we hope to bring awareness to the blatant discrimination being given to our groups and demand equality.

It’s a private event, if Social Nudism isn’t your thing, that’s fine, you don’t have to go, but respect our right to have such a belief and such an event.

What do you think? Would you enjoy a park knowing 350 naked men and women had had a cracking good time on the slopes, just hours before?

For Dan, it’s personal:

I personally have had an event I was planning and getting ready to launch until unnamed board members changed their minds and pulled it after so much groundwork had been made, advertising partners collected, volunteer organizers gathered, and most of the logistics had been managed. It was quite disheartening to have gotten so far and have some lone voice decide for us what was an acceptable belief structure.

They’re fighting for an enema. I mean, a foreign enemy — that of scrutiny:

The Naturist life is that of total body acceptance and positive body image. There is no judgement, no one is judging the way you look, judging your bathing suit choice, because we’re all wearing the same one…your birthday suit, of course!! Mark Twain said “If God wanted us to be naked, we’d have been born that way.” And we couldn’t agree more. Everyone has their own beauty, and no one should feel shame for simply being who they are.


That last part is undoubtedly true.

And nudists’ freedom to finally hit the world’s fastest slides could be a real watersh** watershed moment.

But not only is getting your creases caressed by chlorine in front of friends and strangers fun, it’s also potentially a lifesaver:

Negative body image kills so many people each year, and studies have shown that participating in a Naturist event actually improves your self esteem, body image, and life satisfaction dramatically.

Dan wants to bring sexy back:

It’s time to remove the unnatural stigma we’ve artificially placed on the human body and bring Nudism/Naturism back into the popular culture again.

And what better way than slitherin’ around your unmentionables, where everyone else’s unmentionables have slithered similarly:

What better way could there be for doing so than having an awesome weekend at a booked-out water park such as Kalahari Resort, Great Wolf Lodge, Sahara Sam’s, Camel Back lodge, Jay’s Peak, or any of the other great indoor parks in our country?

Now’s the time:

Please join our cause by signing and sharing with others, and let’s make them hear us this time. Learn more about the Naturist way of life from any of the many great established organizations out their promoting social nudism movement like British Naturism, who hold events just like this all over UK, AANR the American Association of Nude Recreation, and any of the many hundreds of local nudist parks that are probably right in your backyard and you never knew.


For those of you disrobing right now, rarin’ to join the fight…make your voices heard here.

But while we’re waiting for the revolution, I’ve got news for everyone involved: As anybody who’s worked at a water park can tell you, just stand at the bottom of the steepest slide for 5 minutes and you’ll see — it’s already a nudist event.



See more pieces from me:

‘Bachelor’ Host Bites It, Cancel Culture Eats Him: Man Admits He ‘Defended’ Racism and Referenced the ‘Woke Police’

‘A New Kind of Child Abuse’: Rob Schneider Schools America – On Schools in America

Department of Education Fights the White Supremacy of Math

Find all my RedState work here.

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