Well, it’s the Big Day — that chivalrous shindig for all the world’s arrow-struck, amorous admirers.
February 14th: A time for cuddles, kisses, and things not printable.
And in honor of this sentimental Sunday for lovebirds, a North Carolina Sheriff wants to send his regards to jailbirds.
Appropriately, there’s jewelry involved.
In commemoration of the world’s most heart-felt holiday, the Nash County Sheriff’s Office is offering a Valentine’s Day Special.
Find all the friskiness on Facebook:
Did you know?
The Nash County Sheriff’s Office is now offering a Valentine’s Day Weekend Special!
Do you have an ex-Valentine and know they have outstanding warrants? Give us a call (252) 459-4121 with their location and we’ll take care of the rest.
This Valentine’s Day Weekend Special starts off with a set of limited-edition platinum bracelets, free transportation with a chauffeur, a one-night minimum stay in our luxurious [5-star] accommodations, and this special is capped off with a special Valentine’s dinner.
We know this special is so incredible that you may be tempted to provide additional referrals. We don’t blame you, this special is too sweet to pass up. Operators are standing by!
It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.
And kudos on the limos — those Ford freeway cruisers drive like a dream.
The included image says nothing if not romance.
Of course, we’ve seen that kind of thing before:
— Oh Maggie! (@OhMaggieLtd) February 14, 2015
Nevermind — I was thinking of this:
Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)
Generos: Comedia, Romance, Familia, Película de TV pic.twitter.com/8rBXeyFXqg
— Película random cada 30 min (@PeliculasRandom) June 13, 2020
Either way, commenters loved it:
“Thank you for a Valentine’s laugh.I pray this gets the job done. Thank all of you for what y’all do!!”
“Not only does our county police force provide us with great service, they also keep us entertained. Thank you, NCSO!”
“Now this is creative marketing!”
“I kinda want to just turn myself and pretend to have a warrant.”
“I don’t know who came up with this idea but we have got to be related.”
“I thought, by the first line, it was a way to meet single cops…without getting a ticket. Hilarious.”
“I love it. Wish I knew somebody!! Haha.”
But every rose has its thorn:
“This is in terrible taste. In addition to laughing about locking people up, we are in a pandemic where getting locked up can literally kill people.”
As noted by The Daily Wire, Nash County’s not the only department to have fun with festivity:
The humorous post is reminiscent of a similar ruse from law enforcement agencies around the country. As KTVU reported last year, police departments in various cities and counties posted “warnings” that illegal drugs might be contaminated with the coronavirus and that people should bring them to police in order to be tested. The St. Francis County Sheriff’s Office in Arkansas, for example, posted: “WARNING: If you have recently purchased meth locally, it may be contaminated with the coronavirus. Please take it to the sheriff’s office or police department and they will test it for free.”
Back to cuffed care, if any of you Romeos are looking for a last-minute love-you for the Missus, here’s a quickie — because nothing says “Dream Come True” like the gift of shackles:
ON SALE!! Trendy Handcuffs Bracelets For Women Carved FREEDON Couples Lock Bangles Fashion Jewelry Lover Valentines Day Gifts
##love #gameofthrones pic.twitter.com/jK88JJou6I
— Putrimall (@Putrimall1) December 25, 2019
Happy V-Day, RedStaters.
See more pieces from me:
Find all my RedState work here.
Thank you for reading! Please sound off in the Comments section below.