Mommy Dearest: California Mothers With the Milk of Madness, but at Least It's Not Chocolate

In this Nov. 3, 2016, photo Hunter Jobbins, freshman at Kansas State University, poses in his car filled with nearly 6,500 Kit Kat bars in Manhattan, Kansas. Jobbins told The Wichita Eagle he left his car unlocked with a Kit Kat in the cupholder last month before running into his dorm building. When he came back, the candy bar had been replaced with a note. The thief wrote, “I love Kit Kats so I checked your door and it was unlocked. Did not take anything other than the Kit Kat. I am sorry and hungry.” Jobbins’ picture of the note went viral on Twitter and Hershey responded by sending a representative to the campus with 6,500 Kit Kat bars. (Colin E. Braley/AP Images for The Hershey Company)

 

You shouldn’t eat sugary food — it could spoil your dinner.

Such is a dandy dictate for a two-year-old.

Or someone tantalized and ten.

Or 20.

Or 74.

Such appears to be the view of government in California, where — up north — a city’s made sweet history.

Once home to the free speech movement, Berkeley wants to regulate not only what can come out of your mouth, but what might go in it.

In a blatant attack on the dental industry, the teethy town’s employing wisdom that’ll see mouths everywhere impacted: There’ll be no more snacks sold in checkout lines.

As reported by AFP, this week, the city council passed a unanimous bill.

Per the legislation, no product with over 5 grams of added sugar — or 250 mg of sodium — will be permitted to surround you as you wait to buy your…items with over 5 grams of added sugar and over 250 mg of sodium.

Also restricted from your immediate surroundings once you’re preparing to pay: drinks high in sugar and artificial sweeteners.

Council member Kate Harrison believes the law keeping your buttery fingers off that Butterfinger is…wait for it…essential:

“The healthy checkout ordinance is essential for community health, especially in the time of COVID-19.”

And, somehow, it’s good for business:

“What is good for Berkeley customers is also good for our businesses.”

The ordinance notes that you’re…well…pathetic:

“[The checkout line is where] shoppers are more likely to make impulse purchases and where parents struggle with their children over demands to buy treats.”

Affected by the ban, which goes into effect next March: 25 large supermarkets, in a span of space comprised of about 120,000 preschoolers people.

AFP notes that Berkeley, “just across the bay from San Francisco, has a track record of pioneering health initiatives.” 

In 2014, it imposed a tax on soft drinks that was adopted by several other major US cities. 

According to a study last year, Berkeley residents reduced their consumption of soft drinks by half by 2017.

Also reduced: awesomeness.

On the other hand, the war on dextrose, lactose, maltose, trehalose, turbinado, sucrose, and galactose — as opposed to high taxes, poverty, homelessness, oppression, suppression, robbery, and murder — might be a good move for the state as a whole. 

After all, once you come down from that would-be sugar high, the crash may impede your ability to escape the angry, violent mob blocking the street and bashing in your windows and annihilating your soon-to-be-banned gas guzzler.

Those goons — who are likely high on sugar — probably got their fix from a back-alley dealer.

Or just anywhere else in the store except the very front.

Either way, kudos to California for saving everyone from that greatest of enemies — free will.

-ALEX

 

Moxie Gets a Makeover: Gucci Debuts Its $2,600 Dress – for Men

Toxic Masculinity: Dads Unite, Catch and Clobber Peeping Tom at a Southern Cracker Barrel

Cruel, Cruel Summer: A California County Outlaws More Than One Swimmer Per Pool – No Matter How Large

Find all my RedState work here.

And please follow Alex Parker on Twitter and Facebook.

Thank you for reading! Please sound off in the Comments section below.