Moxie Gets a Makeover: Gucci Debuts Its $2,600 Dress - for Men

This image released by Marvel Studios shows Chris Hemsworth, left, and the Hulk in a scene from, "Thor: Ragnarok." (Marvel Studios via AP)

 

Some say conservatives aren’t fashionable, but we know better.

Apropos, I’m pleased to present a fabulous new fabric’d foray for the stunningly stylish among you.

For those who fancy the finer things — superior sedans, jet-setting jewelry, a punishingly-priced pinot noir — comes an article of clothing so colossal it costs more than a Mac — computer, not cosmetics.

Go-getters, I give you Gucci’s new dress.

The company’s website whets your wide-walleted whistle:

Inspired by grunge looks from the ‘90s and styled over ripped denim pants, this tartan smock in delicate colors reflects the idea of fluidity explored for the Fall Winter 2020 fashion show…

It’s a killer cutiepie:

  • Orange and beige tartan cotton
  • Satin bow at the waist
  • Mother of pearl buttons
  • Smock embroidery
  • Contrast Peter Pan collar
  • Short sleeves
  • Button front
  • 100% cotton
  • Made in Italy

Are you ready to wow the world? If you’re size 42 IT or 44 IT, it’s a click away.

And the grand garb can be grabbed to the tuba-low tune of $2,600.

Here’s more:

The contrast Peter Pan collar and smock embroidery on the front add a childhood inspired element, which ties to a recurrent theme of the collection. Pieces with versatile ways to wear and style embrace each person who is part of the House’s individual spirit.

 

And not only will you drip dreaminess in the dress, you’ll sock it to society.

Gucci details the damage:

[The dress] reflects the idea of fluidity explored for the Fall Winter 2020 fashion show, disrupting the toxic stereotypes that mold masculine gender identity.

That’s right, ladies and gents: The dollish delight is a makeover for misters.

Soon, your toxic masculinity will melt away thanks to a heated hybrid of pretty and plaid.

And it’s just in time for the election: Amid a shutdown courting chaos and a defunding of police, as violence vaults us near martial law, Americans are fearfully fancifying their firearms.

Many a man is gearing up his “Gucci Glock”:

Bunch that boomstick with your similarly-labeled gregarious garment, and you’ve got greatness.

You’ll be hot as a six-shooter as you savor the smell of revolution. You and your pistol will pew-pew as you strut your stuff down Main Street, you terminally orange tart.

And for those of you envious and armed but insolvent, take heart: I’m sure you, your gun, and your dress will be on target in no time:

Fight on, fashionistas.

-ALEX

 

See more pieces from me:

Man’s Penis Falls Off, Doctor Adds One to His Arm

Tail of the Sea: Man Complains of Stomach Pain, Doctors Find a Large Fish in His Rectum

Party Like It’s 1799: Cops Bust Up an Amish Barn Bash for Violating Ohio’s Stay-at-Home Order

Find all my RedState work here.

And please follow Alex Parker on Twitter and Facebook.

Thank you for reading! Please sound off in the Comments section below.