Are you a business owner? Have you ever sought that someone special?

I’m talking, of course, about somebody miserable to work for you.

Alison Birch wasn’t in the market for such recently, but perhaps she should’ve been.

The proprietor of AJ’s Unisex Hair Salon says she recently placed an advertisement with a UK job center for an experienced hair dresser with at least 5 years’ worth of snipping under their belt.

She wanted someone “confident in barbering as well as all aspects of hairdressing.”

But there was more — Alison had the zany idea that customers might prefer, well, here’s how it was worded:

“This is a busy, friendly, small salon, so only happy, friendly stylists need apply.”

Got that?

Emotionally dysfunctional, horribly depressed, walking storm clouds need not respond.

Hey, what’s that smell? I detect an odious dash of discrimination.

Yep. As reported by Fox News, Alison claims the agency called Wednesday with bad news: They can’t run the ad because the term “happy” is considered “discriminatory.”

That’s right — now “happy,” I suppose, requires a Trigger Warning. Caution: Bigotry Ahead.

More from Fox:

Birch [alleges] the job center told her that the advertisement may make some people feel they cannot apply if they do not consider themselves to be a “happy” person.

Alison recalled the ordeal on Facebook.

According to Birch, the man explained thusly:

“I’m sorry, but the word happy is a discriminatory word and we aren’t allowed to use it, as somebody who is not happy will be discriminated against.”

How about “confident”? Or “qualified”? Or “hairdresser”?

And what if I’m coming in for a wash and trim, and I demand a manic depressive welder who’s never held scissors before?

How’s Alison gonna cover all the bases with her lame and limited hiring practice?

Despite the obvious ramifications, she’s not set to come to her senses any time soon.

On FB, she marveled:

“Was I being a bit sensitive, and is the word happy discriminative? Or has this whole world all gone mad?”

One commenter affirmed the worst.

Someone else posed quite the query:

“Does this mean that every descriptive word is discriminative… happy, tall, smart, elegant? Good luck with your search.”

Another remarked, “I thought this was a joke, realizing it clearly isn’t has left me absolutely speechless… what has the human race come to?”

That question, it appears to me, is evermore relevant.

But don’t call it a human race — “human” is discriminatory, and “race” may be inapplicable: It’s looking more and more like we’re already finished.

Either way, Alison thanked everyone for the support:

Good luck, Alison. Or, bad. Or…just neutral.

And Happy Apathetic Labor Day Weekend.

-ALEX

See more pieces from me:

Candace Cameron Doesn’t Need ‘The View,’ She Wants People to See Something Greater

Minnesota School Superintendent Welcomes Back Teachers, Tells Them to ‘Examine’ Their ‘Whiteness’

Adele Posts Herself in a Bikini, the Internet Flashes with ‘Cultural Appropriation’

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