Machete-Wielding Couple Hired to Fulfill Man's Bedroom Broomstick Fantasy Invade the Wrong House

Texas Rangers' Adrian Beltre fights off a dousing attempt by Rougned Odor with a broom after their 5-2 win over the Oakland Athletics in a baseball game, Monday, Aug. 15, 2016, in Arlington, Texas. (AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)

 

In the middle of the night last July, an Australian man got up to use the can.

A noise rang out, and he assumed it was a friend who routinely stopped by to make coffee.

“Bugger off, it’s too early!” he yelled.

But once he was back in bed, a voice called out — was he so-and-so, who’d requested some kinky roleplay?

He wasn’t.

The poor guy removed his sleep apnea mask, flipped on the bedside light, and discovered two strange men next to his bed.

They were holding machetes.

That’s the kind of sight most commonly beheld last.

But he identified himself by name, and one of the two unwelcome weirdos replied, “Sorry, mate.”

The other shook his hand.

Then the bladed blokes bounced.

In response, the guy called the cops, who found machetes in a nearby vehicle.

And my, did a titillating tale unfurl.

As reported by the Australian Associated Press, it all began when a man living in Goolgowi — in western New South Wales near Griffith — took to Facebook in search of a couple to fulfill his sexual fantasy: to be tied up in his underwear and have a broom handle rubbed all over his underpants.

According to NSW Judge Sean Grant, “He was willing to pay $5000 if it was ‘really good.'”

After finding his dream dynamic duo, the man sent an address.

The Tantalizing Two were given a bit of free reign, so they decided machetes might heighten the drama.

Unfortunately, they went to the wrong home.

Oops.

Upon finally reaching the right residence, their host said No to the gnarly knives, which were subsequently stowed in their car.

They all had coffee together, and the hospitable hirer made bacon, eggs, and noodles.

One of the Broomstick Bros, Terrence Leroy, fell asleep.

He was in court last week, charged with — as stated by The Courier — “entering the home in July 2019 intending to intimidate while armed with an offensive weapon.”

Courtesy of Perth Now:

The judge said the [public prosecutor] had proved Mr Leroy was one of the men who entered the first house with a machete — but had not proved that his intention had been to intimidate.

Mr Leroy’s barrister successfully submitted the entry was for a non-criminal purpose.

Fortunately for Terrence, a police officer observed, the underwear’d Aussie who’d swooned over being swept away had a “history and proclivity for engaging the services of people.”

Mr. Leroy’s lawyer bottom-lined such an innocent aim:

“It was a commercial agreement to tie up and stroke a semi-naked man in his underpants with a broom.”

Awww.

All’s well that ends well. But for all you machete-wielding fulfillers of fine fantasies, let this be a reminder: Always double-check your address.

-ALEX

 

See 3 more pieces from me:

New Study Mandates Masks for Pandemic Pleasure: Couples Should Cover Their Faces During Sex

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Philadelphia Man Shoots a Looter in the Head After an Armed Crew Breaks Into His Gun Shop

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