Police in Maryland Issue a Final Warning: Quarantine or Not, You Have to Wear Pants to the Mailbox

(Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP, File)

FILE – In this Feb. 22, 2015, file photo, Sia arrives at the 2015 Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Beverly Hills, Calif. Sia tweeted a nude photo of herself on Nov. 6, 2017, after learning that someone was trying to sell nude paparazzi photos of her. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP, File)

 

 

Perhaps we’re all getting a bit extra-relaxed during the quarantine — you know, you might stay in your pajamas all day.

Or not brush your hair all weekend.

Or walk to the mailbox naked.

Have you gone to the ‘box in the buff?

Have you picked up the paper pornographically?

If so, and you live in the town of Tain…that would be, Taneytown, the cops are sick of ya.

And they want you to stop.

In fact, on April 14th, the Taneytown Police Department posted a message to Facebook asking you — or whoever’s the crass culprit — to cease at once. It’s the final warning:

“Please remember to put pants on before leaving the house to check your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning.”

https://www.facebook.com/TaneytownPolice/posts/2355019031463367

 

I assume they’re referring to abject nudity — after all, so far as I know, there’s no law against going out in boxers. And bikinis are just underwear with a different name.

It seems someone’s giving a whole new meaning to the phrase “junk mail.”

As for the post, many a comment dangled below:

“It’s amazing how few people have a sense of humor.”

“Keep it coming, Taneytown!!! Really…..people need to lighten up.”

“Look, they are taking it too far…face masks, now pantsssss? how dare you lol.”

“My lawn. My rules.”

One user offered an excuse:

“I don’t have any pants to wear, they’re all contaminated in the laundry and no cleaning supplies to wash with. So deal with it!”

And my personal favorite:

“#neverpants.”

So there you have it. First world problems.

I do have one suggestion for those checking the mail in the suit they were born with: If you don’t feel like dressing up — or at all — how ’bout you just go at night?

I hear April’s a good month for it:

-ALEX

 

See 3 more pieces from me:

Self-Pleasuring Man Zooms Into Indiana Election Commission Conference

A Hoarder Tried to Return 4,800 Rolls of Toilet Paper, the Supermarket Director Gave Him the Finger

In a Heartwarming Video, a Public Worker Serenades a Quarantined 94-Year-Old for Her Birthday

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