Are you creeped out by cats?

For all you know, they’re planning to eat you.

And in Whitewater, Colorado, that’s exactly what a pair of felines had in mind: guys and gals for grub.

It’s certainly not a new idea — as Carolyn Rando pointed out in a Buzzfeed piece from 2015:

“Yes, your pets will eat you when you die, and perhaps a bit sooner than is comfortable.”

That’s nice.

At least, nicer than this:

“They tend to go for the neck, face, and any exposed areas first, and then, if not discovered in time, they may proceed to eat the rest of you.”

She’s right.

At the Forensic Investigation Station, over the course of several weeks, security cameras caught a couple of ambitious kitties sneaking into the “body farm” to feast on folks.

Researchers monitored the scavenger activity.

If you’re not familiar with the concept of the farm, it’s a pretty interesting setup:

Unclaimed bodies and those donated to science are laid out in various positions and under assorted environmental circumstances in order to rot.

Researchers watch and take note.

In cases of crime or other calamity, the information informs authorities on the time of death, whether the body was moved, etc.

Back to Whitewater, according to the Journal of Forensic Sciences, the first cat burglar went for a 79-year-old lady. For a particular project, that chick was eventually sidelined under a cage for a week. When the enclosure was removed, Mr. Whiskers returned to her nearly every night for 35 days.

And not to mourn her loss.

Again, it focused on soft tissue, eating part of the breast area and exposing the bone in her upper left arm.

Cat #2 preferred a 70-year-old man. Of 16 nights, the purring pulverizer had dinner with him 10 times.

Then the feral feaster took a month off before coming back to the same guy for more.

It was the only one he had a taste for:

What appeared to be the same cat was seen on game cameras throughout the facility but showed no interest in any of the other 40-plus adjacent donors. The cat did not scavenge new donors placed around the time of scavenging and in a similar stage of decomposition.

Those in the know noted that most cats prefer to hunt; scavenging is rare.

But the situation of the people-eating pussies has scientific value.

As summarized by IFLScience:

They hope that this report will help us to understand the behaviors of these scavengers, which are prevalent in the US, and help investigators to distinguish between perimortem and postmortem tissue damage.

Here’s what Morris really wants for supper:

In both cases reported here, the feral cats targeted areas where the skin had been previously penetrated. Both cats showed a preference for bodies in relatively early decomposition. Scavenging began when the bodies showed early signs of decomposition and ended at the onset of moist decomposition. The cessation of scavenging at the onset of moist decomposition may be explained by felids’ preference for fresh tissue.

I think I’ll stick with dogs — they’d try to get help if something happened.

And if it ever came down to it, at least I feel like they’d say the blessing first.

Keep a close watch on your neighborhood cat lady…

-ALEX

See 3 more pieces from me:

A Man Whose Farts Kill Mosquitoes Claims Companies Are Working to Bottle His Gas as Insect Repellent [Correction: Satire]

SuperDog: A Police K-9 Flies Through the Air and Into a Glass Window to Stop a Fleeing Felon. The Video is Incredible

A Dog in Florida Hilariously Drives Around in a Car for an Hour Before Crashing, and It’s a Perfect Metaphor for Washington

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