College Administration Tries to Protect its Precious Innocents from the Dangers of Snow



We’re living in a fragile world. That must be why Brazil no longer asks its law enforcement officers to be “masculine” (see here).


Related to that:

College students are delicate, frightened, vulnerable, weak, brittle, wounded, and any other word you can think of to describe the most pathetic among us.

Or at least, that’s what many a YouTube video suggests.

Is it really true? I hope not.

But Delaware State University seems to think so.

As reported by The College Fix, in the school’s official Student Judicial Handbook — under the category of “Personal Violations” (which includes “making threats of violence or intimidation” and “being in the bath/shower areas of the opposite sex”) — you’ll find that wretched, intimidating, heartbreaking, grueling, cruel crime of:

throwing snowballs.

Yes — it’s that pathetic.

The college’s assistant director of judicial affairs, Lewan D. Lanier-Smith, explained to the Fix why tossing ice crystal’d atmospheric water vapor must be prohibited by law:

“This was made a rule due to the students throwing snowballs in the residential halls and there being the potential to harm others with hard, iced-over snow.”

As someone who once, in the midst of a snowball battle, hit my neighbor’s dad in a…uhhh…vulnerable spot and immediately ended the Great White War on a really downer note, I can appreciate the idea that a snowball — when packed to a considerable degree of firmness and expertly lunged at unguarded areas — can do some damage. But seriously — do we really need a handbook rule against it????


Apparently so. Also against the rules:

“[The] use [and] possession of water guns, super soakers, etc. on University premises or during University activities.”

Well. I guess if room-temperature water must be outlawed, then surely a colder version of that dastardly weapon must be forbidden as well.

I’m trying to resist the pun you’re no doubt expecting. So let’s just say we both know what it is, and we both know what they — a great deal of college students, according Delaware State, apparently — are.


Thank you for reading! What do you think about the University’s rules? Sound off in the Comments section below.

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