Ahead of tonight’s Presidential Debate, I have three debate predictions that I think no one else will make, as you may have guessed from the title of this post (“Three #Debate Predictions No One Else Will Make).

Why won’t they make them? They are terrible. Why am I making them? Because if they happen to come true then I’m a super genius who will kick off the harmonic convergence and we’ll all be converted into perfected beings of light.

I mean, that’s a lot of upside. So with that in mind, here they are, in no particular order.

1) Donald Trump will molest a woman live on stage as his fans in the audience explain to everyone that it is okay, because at least he’s not Hillary Clinton so why do you hate America, commie?

B) Hillary Clinton will reveal that she is actually a robot sent from the future for the sole purpose of bringing an end to all human life in a conflagration of pain and misery that will last for a thousand years, but she never grabbed anyone’s p***y so why do you hate women, you misogynist?

XVII) When they ask Donald Trump if there are any other videos that he would be humiliated by if they were made public, he will throw his microphone at the moderator, scream abracadabra, and disappear in a puff of smoke, leaving behind only a greasy looking piece of furniture of questionable provenance. Sean Hannity will say that this genius move proves he is the perfect person to be President and that he looks great in a Fruit of the Loom “Apple Man” costume and brown belt.

∞) When they ask Hillary about Bill Clinton’s affairs .. ha ha ha just kidding, they won’t ask her about that.

There you go. Bet you won’t see those anywhere else.

….

Hmm. I think I miscounted.