Common Core is an ongoing disaster foisted upon American schools and messing with our kids futures. As an Arkansas mom pointed out recently, we’re forcing our kids to bypass real, efficient problem-solving in favor of .. well, nonsense.

There is a perception, at least in the fever-swamps of the internet that I lovingly call home, that this is an issue that naturally breaks down along party lines. Republicans are against it because they hate science!, and Democrats are for it because they love children once they’re born. In reality, the divide can be more subtle, with small government local control folks at odds with big government, big solutions types. Common Core divides Rick Perry from Jeb Bush, for example, and typically anti-standardized testing democrats are finding themselves anew and in agreement with the Chamber of Commerce and the evil oil barons at Exxon. But in general terms, people see it as Dimocrats against Rethuglicans. Only, now, there may be reason for both sides to take another sideways glance.

The NEA has posted a slew of Common Core-compliant lesson plans online, and there are some aspects that may surprise and amuse you, depending on your party affiliation. You could file this one under “silver linings”. A reader emails some choice examples of what these lesson plans have to say about the party of the people:

Democrats are Womanizers:

• “Lyndon Baines Johnson ‘LBJ'(1908-1973) affectionately called the many women he slept with his ‘harem.’ He even had a buzzer system installed that rang inside the Oval Office so that Secret Service could warn him when his wife was coming.”
• “John F. ‘Jack’ Kennedy most likely had the most active extramarital sex life of any president. He allegedly slept with Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Audrey Hepburn, Angie Dickinson, stripper Blaze Starr, Marlene Dietrich, and many other women including White House staffers, secretaries, stewardess, campaign workers, strippers, and acquaintances of trusted male friends. The FBI taped sounds of him and Inga Arvad making love.”

Democrats and the War of Northern Aggression:

• “In 1978, President Jimmy Carter, the first Southerner elected to the presidency following the Civil War, restored U.S. citizenship to Jefferson Davis, president of the Confederate States of America.”

Americans and Civil Discourse:

• “John Adams’ campaign propaganda against Jefferson said that if Jefferson was elected, ‘murder, robbery, rape, adultery, and incest will be openly taught and practiced.'”

Imagine kids learning, in school, that MSNBC types rending their garments and wailing about Sarah Palin’s target map have no perspective whatsoever. Or that Democrats historically supported slavery and opposed civil rights. Just the thought makes you want to cling to your gun religion and sigh happily.

Into every life a little rain must fall. And Common Core is bringing the rain in torrents. But isn’t it hilarious to see a few truth bolts striking from the storm? Maybe there are a few bits of the program we can keep around. I know I’ll be reading a certain bedtime story to my kids tonight. I call it “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Democrats are Jerks.”

Wholesome, no?