Why Haven't I Committed Mass Murder?

Why haven’t I committed mass murder? It is an interesting question considering my background. You see, I have a few things in common with many of the recent mass murderers.


I came from a broken home. I didn’t really have many dates, if any, in high school. When I began the 9th grade I was only 4’6″ tall. I was only 5’4″ when I graduated. I wasn’t popular, and in many respects I remain very unpopular today.

I have issues with my attention span and focusing on one thing. Social situations make me feel awkward and I don’t particularly like large groups of people.

I am a military veteran. While in the military I also faced rejection, just like just about every other soldier at some point. It was never easy, no matter how rare.

Rejection isn’t the only aspect of this, of course. It is but one of the many emotional triggers, if I can borrow some phraseology from the left for a moment, that we are told are responsible for these types of mass murders. PTSD, depression, guilt, there are myriad triggers out there to blame all depending on which issue the left wants to exploit.

I also had to deal with the loss of friends who had deployed early on in Kosovo, and a friend who died on his retirement trip. Later, after I left the service, I ultimately had to deal with the death of the man who replaced me, and was my friend. He died in Iraq.

Even with my wife I faced rejection. We dated on and off again for SIX YEARS before we finally got married. That was not easy at all. As a writer and editor here at RedState, I face rejection every day. Go figure, not everyone likes conservatives.

So why with all of these years of facing rejection and trauma that probably makes the rejection and trauma experienced by this latest coward from California seem trivial, have I not committed mass murder?


But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. – 1 Corinthians 15:10

God’s grace.

Yes, I know that may seem simplistic and not worthy of serious discussion in some circles, and in others there will be the accusation of misusing or misinterpreting this passage from the Bible, but stay for the whole show, there is a real point here.

In this chapter Paul is reminding the church in Corinth of the Resurrection and our Salvation, and while doing so he notes that Jesus appeared to him last and goes on to say that it is God’s grace, the Resurrection and our Salvation, that made him what he was, which was very different than what he had been.

Jesus Sacred Heart
Nancy Bauer / Shutterstock.com
Our society has increasingly rejected God’s grace, instead opting for a society that encourages all to live proudly in their sin, their death. This cultural decline has been talked about for years. We see it in the left’s slavish devoting to abortion on demand for any reason at any time, the assault on religious liberty, as seen in bakeries, photo studios, Catholic hospitals, the definition of marriage, and various other attack vectors championed by the left. Our society has chosen to devalue not only actual life, but the traditional mores and standards which helped create our amazing nation.

Bottom line, we’ve institutionalized “if it feels good, do it.” Another way to say it would be that our new enlightened culture, planned and executed by the left with no room for God, has led us to the aloof millennial middle finger known as #YOLO


You only live once.

What a sad motto for a generation, and what a horrible and isolating fate to give oneself over to.

I have no intention of only living once. I have accepted the grace of God, the propitiation provided by the Cross has set me free. I don’t have to feel alone, even when I am. I don’t have to see rejection here as the end. On the contrary, rejection on this earth is to be expected, especially the further down the road we travel. But all the rejection this world throws at me means nothing when I consider the acceptance of my Father above.

There isn’t a gun control law, feminist hashtag, or government program that will stop this violence or help curtail the circumstances that contribute to it.

God’s grace is what allows us to overcome. Until we remember that as a nation, I expect more cowards will be created by a society too afraid to accept grace and reject sin.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.

And that is why, despite a resume fit for tragedy, I haven’t committed mass murder.


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