The numbers showed (link opens .pdf) that a substantial percentage of Gen Z'ers are open to non-monogamous relationships.

The report, titled “Decoding Gen Z: A global report on non-monogamy, sex, and the desire for discretion,” showed that Gen Zers are increasingly becoming open to non-monogamous relationships. This includes open relationships and polyamorous entanglements.

Researchers found that 57 percent of individuals aged 18 to 29 were open to non-monogamous relationships. Of those who were a part of the Ashley Madison community, 59 percent of Gen Z members explicitly sought either open or polyamorous relationships.

Interestingly, about 29 percent of women using the service sought multiple partners because they believed that one person alone could not fulfill their sexual or emotional needs. This sentiment was shared by only nine percent of male users.

I spoke with Paul Keable, Ashley Madison’s Chief Strategy Officer, on my podcast, and while I disagree with the idea of non-monogamy, our conversation highlighted some areas where folks with conservative values could learn some lessons about the nature of romantic relationships in America.

During our conversation, Keable pointed out that people in Gen X were raised with the idea that "our partner, our spouse, is going to be our best friend, our co-parent, our economic partner, our social coordinator,” which is “a lot of pressure for one person to hold in connection with a singular relationship.”

The multifaceted expectations that come with a marriage can, and often do, lead to “fractures” that bring about divorce.

What Gen Z is saying, ‘hey, don't put all that pressure on one person because potentially I can find it in multiple people,’ and they're just being a little bit more honest with themselves and saying, ‘listen, monogamy might work down the line, but right now it's not for me.’

Keable also commented on the role technology has played in shaping how younger generations view relationships. The internet has created a virtual smorgasbord of information and access to possibly billions of different opinions on marriage, dating, and relationships. Moreover, it has provided the means for people with non-traditional views on these issues to connect with one another.

This led to a discussion on how non-monogamy in 2023 differs from what it was in days past when people would conceal extramarital affairs or different types of sexual relationships. Keable explained that what Gen Zers are looking for is an environment in which people can be honest about their desires instead of hiding them behind closed doors.

Keable told RedState:

You see these communities that are very open and vocal. At the top of the chain, there's a lot of people who live within the non-monogamous community who are very vocal about why they do it, the benefits for them.

It gives people the ability to understand it. I think that's really powerful to showcase the normalization of alternative relationship frameworks – it gives people permission within the consenting adult world to do things that previous generations were far less likely to and were far less knowledgeable about.

The idea is that non-monogamous relationships provide a way for people to get different needs met from other partners, rather than expecting one person to fulfill each one. These arrangements also appeal to some folks, especially those using Ashley Madison’s services, because they can more easily find people who are like-minded, while still enjoying privacy and avoiding social consequences for their choices. Keable continued:

Think about it this way. You have multiple friends from different places and different groups that don't necessarily cohabitate in a social scene. You go out with your golf buddies over here, but you go out with your Dungeons and Dragons friends over here and your poker friends over here, and they don't necessarily mix. That idea is really what's happening in a lot of this non-monogamous world is that I have different intimate partners that fulfill different needs and desires and wants because they don't match over here, but they do match over here.

Keable added: “Gen Z is certainly pushing that envelope and the next generation will push more. When we say they're pushing the envelope, when we're saying they're changing the discourse…They're saying, ‘We want to be more honest.’”

Another interesting detail is related to cheating and the reasons why men and women have affairs without their partners’ knowledge. He cited a part of the report showing that the motivation behind affairs is quite different from what most would think.

Women typically cheat because they are in a sexually unfulfilling marriage. Keable said these individuals loved their spouses and “did not want to lose any function of their relationship” because everything else about it was satisfactory, “except that one part and they were unwilling to compromise.”

It doesn't make sense. Will you really blow up your whole family simply because you weren't having good sex? That seems a little bit silly. Whereas you go to your partner and say, 'Listen, you're either unable to do this, sometimes it's medical or you're unwilling to do it.' Okay, what we talked about earlier, not all of my interests are going to match my partner's interest. What's wrong with her going outside and getting that need met and fulfilled and then coming back to her primary partner? We hear this all the time.

On the other hand, men indicated they chose to have affairs “because they were looking to have their emotional needs validated.” Keable explained:

They needed to be wanted. They needed to be desired. They want to be told they look good. Here's the thing about men. If a woman tells a man a compliment, ‘Hey, you look really good in that suit last night.’ Let me tell you how long that guy is going to hold on to that compliment. We don't get them very much in society because we're told to be the big, tough guy. We're not supposed to have any emotional needs. That's what all these guys are doing.

This sounds pretty counterintuitive, doesn’t it? After all, in the movies, men typically cheat primarily for sex while women do so for emotional reasons. Of course, there are also exceptions, but the explanation makes sense when one digs deeper into the subject matter.

One of the issues that came to me during our conversation was the fact that the gravitation toward non-monogamy seems to be caused largely by a lack of communication and the stigma that many of us ascribe to sexuality. Indeed, in our society, much of what we learn about sexuality is negative or politicized, and not much focus is put on its positive aspects. Even in the world of Christianity, we have adopted a very puritanical mindset that doesn’t allow for positive conversations on sex – even though the Bible’s Song of Solomon contains details that might make a prostitute blush if they read it.

While I don’t personally approve of non-monogamous relationships, Keable did highlight some important points about how men and women communicate with one another when they are in romantic relationships. Many of the problems that could lead one to consider exploring a different partner, with or without the knowledge of their current mate, could be alleviated by removing some of the stigma attached to these conversations.

Perhaps more open communication between the two could lead to better understanding. A couple should not be embarrassed to discuss their sexual desires and needs with one another. As Keable pointed out:

There has never been a point in history where relationships have had a negative interaction when people have been more honest and truthful. Over the course of history, the relationships that are more honest are more open in their communications are the ones that survive--regardless of the nature of them.