Bigfoot Makes His TikTok Debut. Except, It Isn't Bigfoot. Bigfoot Doesn't Exist.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the Oklahoma woods, now in that state's supposedly haunted Parallel Forest comes a TikTok video purporting to show a Bigfoot comfortably reclined against a tree, munching on some plant fronds. There's just one thing: This isn't a Bigfoot. Bigfoot doesn't exist.

An apparent #Bigfoot has made his (or her) inevitable TikTok debut ... and the footage is actually the best to date of a Sasquatch in the wild -- as opposed to a snack commercial. 👣 Full article in bio!

📷:Tik Tok/e_man580 pic.twitter.com/wqKeILVldq
— TMZ (@TMZ) October 3, 2024

The TikTok user in question, e_man580, claims:

Scariest moment of my life and I really think I caught a (#!@$^#) Bigfoot on camera in parallel forest. I wakes just doing some sight seeing and enjoying the day and saw something in the distance. Im still shaking as I type this.

He didn't capture a Bigfoot on video in the Parallel Forest. He didn't capture a Bigfoot on video anywhere. This is fake. Bigfoot doesn't exist.

Look, this is very transparently a human in a costume, and there's one dead giveaway. Humans and all our primate cousins are notable for one thing: A large degree of facial mobility. We smile, we bare our teeth, when we eat our lips and jaws move, when we turn to look at something our eyes widen and our brows move. Look at this video, and you see none of that; no facial mobility at all, no movement of the jaw, no movement of the eyes. That's because it's a costume.

Because Bigfoot doesn't exist. And yet people keep trying these hoaxes; you can set your Sasq-watch by them.

'Expert' Claims Bigfoot Killed This Deer. Untrue, Because Bigfoot Doesn't Exist.

Interestingly, this video is set in what we presume are Oklahoma's Parallel Forest, since that was the only Parallel Forest I was able to discover in the United States. And the Parallel Forest is supposedly - you guessed it - haunted. The videographer in question here must have known this - yeti went in anyway. At least he wasn't bungee-jumping.

This video is, of course, a gag. You can buy Bigfoot costumes on Amazon, including a pretty fair representation of the famous Jack Link's Beef Jerky beast, and that's obviously what this is, the protestations of the poster in the comments notwithstanding. Big primates don't exist in a vacuum; there would have to be a population of these beasts, and given the range of reported sightings, from Florida to Alaska, we are talking about a population of thousands, at least - more likely tens of thousands. And yet not one body has been found, not one skeleton, not even one bone. Not one has been hit by a car. Not one has been shot by a hunter. Not one has been caught.

Because Bigfoot doesn't exist.

But, even so, sighting reports keep trickling in. As of this writing, there are rumors of a similar cryptid sighting in Europe; the European beast, however, has been dubbed Bigmeter. What's more, the European creature knows how to operate motor vehicles, and they reportedly prefer a big-toe truck.

On that note, I return you to your Thursday, already in progress.