Car Thief Suspect Seeks Refuge in Port-a-Potty, Gets Crappy Results

AP Photo/The Herald-Palladium, Don Campbell

When you've gotta go, you've gotta go. In the case of a Glendale, Wisconsin, car thief, while fleeing police last Wednesday, he picked not only the wrong time and the wrong place but the wrong witnesses.


A man who fled from a violent police pursuit in Glendale, Wisconsin thought he had found an ideal hiding spot inside a golf course port-a-potty. 

It didn’t go well.

The incident unfolded last Wednesday when Glendale Police chased a stolen SUV with four people inside. After the vehicle crashed into several others, the four occupants got out and ran away in different directions. 

One ducked inside a port-a-potty at the Lincoln Park Golf Course near a group of golfers the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports.

Clearly, the suspect pitted himself against the wits and willingness of the golfer, and the suspect came off Number Two. He was arrested and taken to jail, where, presumably, he was given a towel to wipe away his worries. Still, a car was stolen, and that stinks. But at least, thanks to the quick-thinking golfers, the miscreant was quickly caught.

“We’re looking at each other like, ‘Are you serious? That’s where he’s gonna hide?'” Ilissa Boland, one of the golfers, told the newspaper.

Ilissa’s golfing partner approached the port-a-potty and, after finding the door locked, decided to help the police. He pushed over the portable toilet with the door facing down, trapping the suspect inside, and flagged down officers.


Now, consider if you will, the structure of your basic port-a-potty. Having spent a week in Army Basic Training cleaning these receptacles while our company was on "detail week," I can safely say I'm very familiar with how they work, and the basic structure of these things has not changed since the early '80s; there is, of course, the tall plastic shell, with a door that locks from the inside, the appropriate receptacles for both setters and pointers and a tank beneath filled with chemicals into which the products of micturition and defecation are deposited. (When I was a kid back in Northeast Iowa we had the kind that just went over a hole in the ground, but the images of the port-a-potty in this case are clearly of the more modern sort.)

That tank, by the way, is not sealed; if you were to look down through the opening through which one conducts one's "necessary" (I don't recommend it), one would be looking right down into that tank filled with chemicals and... other substances. Not chocolate, but something much the same color.

With that firmly in mind, consider the likely consequences of one of these being tipped on its side, and what might happen to a person within that unit when it is tipped over. Yes, that's right; stuff that one would expect to find on the streets of San Francisco would instead be covering the fleeing felon, along with the other aforementioned chemicals and by-products. Not that I have a lot of sympathy for a car thief, even if he is dealing with a lot of crap. It is, however, appropriate to feel some sympathy for the police officers who had to transport the befouled perpetrator, covered as he almost certainly was in the stuff sometimes cast on City Hall steps as a form of protest.


(FLASHBACKS: 'Florida Woman' Has Nothing on Michigan Woman Rescued From Outhouse While Trying to Retrieve Apple Watch and Denver Businessman Dumps Feces on Steps of City Building to Protest Inaction on Homelessness Problem)

Kudos to the quick-thinking golfer who knew at a glance how to deal with a sticky situation. At least the thief and his less-smelly compatriots were caught; in that, at least, everything came out all right.


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