Yesterday, it was two CNN chiquitas fan-girling over how “jacked” Obama looks. I guess if the emaciated hipster look is what turns you on, you’re entitled to your opinion but please, for the love of Heaven, don’t inflict it on the rest of us. I went to bed thinking this could not get worse. I was wrong. This is a no-sh**-I-swear-on-my-grandmother’s-grave-I’m-not-making-this-up headline in the Washington Post: “Obama makes rest of us look bad with his effortless kitesurfing“:

Barack Obama seems to be living it up these days. Photos and videos emerged last week of the former president taking a stroll alongside Michelle Obama in the British Virgin Islands wearing what can only be described as a full-vacation mode outfit: shorts, polo shirt, flip flops and a backward hat.

Turns out that was just the beginning of Obama’s post-presidency adventures. On Tuesday, Virgin Group founder and Obama’s billionaire vacation buddy Richard Branson posted a video of a friendly wager between the two: Branson, who is an avid kitesurfer, wanted to see if Obama could stay on a kiteboard longer than he could on a foilboard.

It’s well documented that Obama is pretty good at basketball, but the video proved that the 55-year-old former leader of the free world is pretty much a natural on a kiteboard, as well.

Just out of curiosity, what other sports is Obama a natural at? We know he warmed the bench for his, dare we say it, JV team in high school, acting as mascot/cheerleader. We know his golf game sucks despite the immense effort he’s put into it while president? We know for a fact that he throws a baseball like a girl:

The homoerotic nature of this article is so thick you can cut it with a knife (NTTAWWT, of course). Especially when the video of Obama kite surfing looks like this:

https://twitter.com/FBillMcMorris/status/829360918807056384

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, PEOPLE.

C’mon. Have some self respect, guys.