Today, President Obama decided to try to inherit something else from Bush: a spine and fortitude. However, in true incompetent Obama form, he failed, as always.
Obama cannot pull off that whole cowboy image. Hey, remember when being a cowboy was a bad thing? I never thought it was, because I far prefer a cowboy to an empty suit. But, it turns out that, boy, an affected, faux cowboy sure is a bad and pathetic thing. Obama really should have rehearsed that line more; it was painfully obvious to all that he’s never uttered the phrase “ass kick” before in his ivory tower swaddled life. At the very least, he could have watched a few episodes of King of the Hill in order to form some semblance of a believable performance.
Good grief. Did his teleprompter not let him know that pretending to “ass kick” doesn’t work when we have all seen his baseball “pitches” and when we picture him clutching onto a head of arugula, while whining about it’s price at Whole Foods? I now imagine him practicing his tough guy image. Rehearsing with Rahm, saying things like “You won’t like me when I’m angry! But, may I please finish my yummy waffle and hitch up my Mom jeans first?” Pitifully feigning an attempt at opening up a can of whoop arse also fails miserably when we’ve all seen Obama daintily sip beer, pinkie extended. And *bow* incessantly. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure there is no submissive bowing in ass kicking. Although, to be fair, by ass kicking Obama did probably just mean a sternly worded apology. Or, perhaps a nice beer summit. Daintily sipped, natch.
Since Obama, by his own admission, can’t deduce “whose ass to kick” on his own, I figure we should help him out. He’s awfully busy fund-raising and golfing and such. I suppose even if he and his experts finally figure out a target like, say, the terrorists who want to kill us, he’d merely continue to fail anyway. It’s not like he has any practice manning up nor any practice actually kicking anything, ass or otherwise. He can’t even kick the smoking habit, for goodness sake.
The only asses Obama has kicked have been unintentional. For instance, the candidates for whom he campaigned, the idea that experience doesn’t matter and, well, his own masculinity. Oh! And he did kick the ass of Carter’s title of the Worse President Ever. So, that’s something, I suppose.
However, if he really wants to try this time instead of being his usual inept, ineffective and impotent self, my first suggestion is: Look in the mirror. My second suggestion would be to look to his White House staffers. So much for laser like focus, huh? Unless by laser like, they meant beer goggled:
My third suggestion would be talk to the CEO of BP.
Not once. Well, it is hard to squeeze it in what with all these new tough guy acting rehearsals and super fun bashes with Paul McCartney. Hey, at least Obama knows what a library is, right, Paul?
A pitiful act, yet again. Obama has shown, over and over, that not only is he maladroit almost beyond comprehension, but he can’t even feign competence any longer. Affecting a tough guy image doesn’t change that. It only serves to make his vast array of deficiencies all the more obvious.