All the Stuff in the World

AP Photo/Alastair Grant

Over in Democrat Media Fantasyland, there is a hole in our Universe that Democrats refer to as “the chute.” In Democrat science, the chute is assumed to be a rift in the fabric of space-time. What makes the chute so special, and so central to Democrat policy making, is that vast quantities of goods and services of all kinds are continually deposited into our Universe through this “chute.” No one knows where it all comes from, or who is sending it to us. It just arrives, continuously, unbidden. In Democrat Media Fantasyland, the biggest problem facing humanity is how to divide up all the goodies that spill over into our Universe from… somewhere else.

The system that the Democrats use for disposing of this embarrassment of riches is the same system that Democrats use for handling all issues facing humanity: They assemble a Board of Overseers consisting of Smart People Wearing Suits. These fine individuals take custody of the material coming through the chute, and make certain that it is distributed in a fair and equitable manner, taking care to observe all tribal, clan, and gender differences.

Having an endless supply of goods and services pouring in through a hole in the Universe makes it possible for Democrats to propose policies that would not be practical on our side of The Big Ditch. For instance, as RedState’s Mike Miller reported, the nation’s Bartender General has proposed that we fight the Wuhan Death Virus by telling everyone to stay home. The government would simply send everyone free money for as long as it takes to eradicate the virus.

That would never work over here, because we do not have a hole in the Universe through which an endless supply of things to buy comes pouring in. We could send everybody home, and we could send them all free money, but there wouldn’t be anything to buy because on our side of The Ditch, the only stuff that shows up is the stuff people work to provide. If everybody stops working, there won’t be anything to eat.

Another popular policy proposal among Democrats comes from a fellow named Yang, who has figured out that if we send every adult American a mere $1,000 per month, we can plow through the entire net worth of the Forbes 400 richest Americans in a single year. This will be good, because at the end of the year, there won’t be any more rich Americans. They will have sold everything they owned to foreigners so they could pay the taxes we levied on them so that we could send everyone $1,000 per month for a year. By the second year, foreigners would own all our factories, a lot of our land, all the commercial real estate, and our entire inventory of trucks, construction equipment, and other productive assets. But at least we wouldn’t have any more rich people to tax. Fortunately, none of that matters and nobody cares, if you have a hole in the Universe spewing an endless supply of goods and services that the Smart People Wearing Suits can parcel out in a fair and equitable manner. Yes, in Democrat Media Fantasyland, everyone can stay home all day binge-watching Netflix, while everyone still has all the necessities of life because somebody, somewhere keeps sending it to us through a hole in space-time.

In addition to having everyone stay home and goof off all day while living on free money, Democrats also promised to finally set right the climate of our planet, which hasn’t really had a tune-up in over five billion years. The most popular policy proposal, also from the Bartender General, is called The Green New Deal. The complete program would cost $94 trillion dollars. On our side of The Big Ditch, such an ambitious program could not even be considered because $94 trillion dollars is more money than there is in the entire world. But in Democrat Media Fantasyland, it doesn’t matter how much it would cost because everything else we need is already taken care of… it just lands on the floor, right in front of us, from somewhere outside our Universe.