A Speech to Win The GOP Nomination

The Republican Candidates in 2016.
The Republican Candidates in 2016.

“The Crown of France Was Lying In The Gutter. I Just Leaned Over and Picked It Up.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

Is there an actual Conservative left in America? Does anyone in the herd trolling for the 2016 GOP Nomination actually want to stand up against post-modern American Progressivism? Will someone, anyone stand up to the Paris Commune Left before they sodomize all that is decent? Literally.


One person can make this stop. One person can make these people back off. One person can end it now. They just have to fight back in a ruthless and punitive fashion. Let one candidate, just one candidate stand up in front of the GOP voters and say the following.

“Today, my fellow Americans. Today is the day the Special Snowflakes get melted with the white phosphorus. Today is the day that we cut the dole out and you can go read 2 Thessalonians 3:10 if you don’t like it. Folks, you can defend this flag right here. Or; you can get used to living under this one, or that one.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, I take my hat off to our enemies, The American Progressive. They sure have made me care. They have woken me up from my epistemological slumber and I’m as cranky as an old, curmudgeonly codger ever gets when he gets woken up an hour or two too early. They made me care and I’m running for the Presidency to make those sons of insect-sucking anteaters sorry they ever woke me the (expletive-deleted) up. “

“Yes the presstitutes, the Hollywoods, and the world-class swimmers in post-modern America’s lifestyle septic tank are all running me down. They think I’m a loathsome cross between Elmer Gantry and Gomer Pyle. The sorry misbreeds have this ½ right. I’m a simple man from a simple town and I don’t get the coruscating brilliance of glorifying sadistic and societally lethal deviance. I don’t get where others get off taking the money of the citizens and using those funds to bribe corporate scumbags and activists hoodlums not to shut down our workplaces or burn our major cities.”


“I just don’t get why anyone would trust the people who are in charge. I attend a simple old-fashion church that may soon be litigated out of existence under the 14th Amendment thanks to the suave and sophisticated Justice Anthony Kennedy. I get told silly, old-fashioned things like ‘You can’t expect lost people to behave as if they’ve been saved.’ And I’ll take that cornpone sermon and extend it a bit without loss of generality. You can’t expect lost people to wind up either happier or safer than those who are saved. You see it in Iraq where the homosexuals get thrown from the rooftops and the straight women get herded to the rape camps. You see it in Greece where the cash and the groceries are dwindling while the empty Marxists tell empty lies.”

“And my fellow Americans, I’ll tell you where else you can see it. You can see it on Puerto Rico, this morning. And you can see it in California, Illinois, Alabama and probably 47 other states tomorrow. Don’t kid yourselves. We are in the existential battle for tomorrow. Keynesianism has failed. Enforced multi-cultural diversity is merely a Trojan Horse for a coming Reign of Terror that would make Robespierre blush with envy. Globalism is the gateway for you to train that H1B Visa replacement who will force you out of your IT position 6 months before your benefits vest.”

“If you aren’t seeing it, you aren’t thinking. If you aren’t thinking than Jesus better help you because I, and everyone else you will listen to in this Primary Season cannot. The time has come to man that barricade. The time has come for the zero-hour charge. The time has come to stand for what we stand for or fall for what they’ll be jamming right through our every orifice. You can stand on America’s fort or you can die in some dirty ditch. Are.You.With.Me?”


The man who states a better and more articulate version of this will win America. It’s right there in the gutter. Let’s hope a better and more moral man than Napoleon picks this particular crown up.


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