That Day I Was Manful Like Brian Williams

Ace offers Brian Williams a More Believable Alibi
Ace offers Brian Williams a More Believable Alibi

It was rough my five or six constant readers, it was rough. I’m here today to tell you about the time that tried my soul. I was in Kandahar and had just killed a mountain lion with my mess kit utensils and still had his veins in my teeth. Then I looked up, and either it was the hash or it was Hades. There he was – Osama Bin Ladin in the flesh! It was my rigorous weightlifting and unrelenting Pilates training that saved me when sixty-two of his boys attacked me with guns, knives and RPGs. Ever since then I just spit in the Devil’s eye and say “I’ve got this.”

At this point I cut off the Bravo Sierra and compare and contrast myself with His Royal Media Majesty Brian Williams. Streiff gives us the details on how much carnal, wild combat Brian Williams actually experienced. I never claim anything that I wrote above was anything other than too much Theraflu mixed with the behind the counter Sudaphedrine. Williams had the following to say to Alec Baldwin about his incredible heroics in the country of Iraq.

Also in March 2013, Williams told Alec Baldwin in an interview on WNYC’s “Here’s The Thing.” Speaking of his tendency to say “I’ve got this” in sticky situations, he said, “And I’ve done some ridiculously stupid things under that banner, like being in a helicopter I had no business being in in Iraq with rounds coming into the airframe,” Williams said.

The WaPo and The Baltimore Sun are tossing their red challenge flags onto the field with regards to Brian Williams’ fishing stories. The Baltimore Sun leaves no room for equivocation.

If credibility means anything to NBC News, Brian Williams will no longer be managing editor and anchor of the evening newscast by the end of the day Friday.

This, of course, is bluster. Brian Williams lied. I know he lied, you know he lied, The Baltimore Sun knows he lied, and his employers know he lied. These guys employ layer upon layer of fact-checkers. It’s amazing that any facts make it past them and on to the air over at NBC at all. So now he kicks off his positively laughable apology tour. This is rich. It could yea verily fertilize the corn.

“I would not have chosen to make this mistake,” Williams told the newspaper, adding that he was sorry. “I don’t know what screwed up in my mind that caused me to conflate one aircraft with another…. No, we never came under direct enemy fire to the aircraft.” In a remorseful Facebook post, Williams wrote: “I spent much of the weekend thinking I’d gone crazy. I feel terrible about making this mistake….”

He went on Letterman with this shtick. He hobnobbed with Arik Bardwin. He probably took that story to the local hook-up joint and did the PUA thing. When you lie for a living, why not make a hobby and a gimmick as well?

And that brings us to why Brian Williams will be safe, sound, smug and obnoxious. He’s paid to lie to us. NBC could have labeled his position as Fertilizer Artist. These people could give a rat’s rear end less about anything that even remotely resembles the truth. But that time I was manful like Brian Williams. It’s seared onto my memory like John F.Kerry’s Christmas in Cambodia.