Microsoft Mocked for 'Utterly Bananas' Employee Introductions

(AP Photo/Elaine Thompson, File)

In this episode of “If You Thought Apple Was Over-the-Top Woke”…

Very seldom do I begin an article wondering how I’m going to write it and what conclusions I’m going to draw. This might be one of those times, given the bizarre craziness of the content I’m going to cover.

I suppose it’s best to just hop aboard the crazy train and get after it.

Software giant Microsoft continues to be ridiculed on social media for the way programmed employees introduced themselves during the company’s Microsoft Ignite 2021 conference on Tuesday. We’re not talking about your basic wokeism, here.

Nope, not even close. We’re talking about advanced graduate-level wokeism with grown-ass adults ridiculously introducing themselves by first acknowledging and paying homage to the land on which they were standing, obvious and unnecessary pronoun identification, and references to their hairstyles and clothing they were wearing during their introductions.

In the following video, the giddy host opened the video conference thusly:

“Hello, and welcome to Microsoft Ignite. We’ve got a big day ahead! And lots in store for you.

First, we want to acknowledge that the land where the Microsoft campus is situated was traditionally occupied by Sammamish, the Duwasmish, the Snoqualmie, the Muckleshoot, the Snohomish, the Tulalip, and other Coast Salish peoples since time immemorial. A people that are still here, continuing to honor and to bring to light their ancient heritage.

“My name is Allison Wines, I’m a senior program manager in our developer tools division. I’m an Asian white female, with dark brown hair, wearing a red sleeveless top.”

I did mention that this was a video conference, right? Next up, this guy:

“And I’m Seth Juarez, program manager of the AI platform group. I’m a tall Hispanic male wearing a blue shirt, [and] khaki pants. Today we kick off two days of learning more about the latest solutions and exploring how these new innovations can help you to do great things and connecting with peers from around the world.”

“Woke Capital incarnate” at its best, tweeted entrepreneur Balaji Srinivasan.

Another video shows two employees, Nic Fillingham and Natalia Godyla, also introducing themselves by stating their pronouns, race, and hairstyle. Here’s Nic:

“I’m Nic Fillingham, I’m a Caucasian man with glasses and a beard, I go by he/him, and I’m a security evangelist here at Microsoft.”

Security evangelist. [rolling-eyes emoji]

As noted by Daily Caller, social media users were quick to mock the ridiculous introductions and were still going strong on Thursday. Popehat and Insider columnist Josh Barro made the obvious observation:

[T]alking like a total weirdo is bad in contexts where you’re going to have to relate to normal people, such as customers.

Can you imagine anyone introducing him or herself to you like these people believe is perfectly normal?

Author Sam Harris tweeted:

It seems like part of the rationale for this must be to help the visually impaired. But, whatever the intentions, this makes Microsoft look like the Cirque du Soleil of wokeness.

“Utterly bananas,” tweeted Kmele Foster, owner of Freethink Media.

And on the well-deserved ridicule continues to go.

At press time, there was no word if Microsoft, in all its wokeism glory, has vacated its campus and the sacred ancestral lands of all the above native peoples I had to google to make sure I spelled their names correctly.

Then again, Bill Gates has two multi-zillion dollar yachts and private jets and stuff to take care of.

I’m sure Bill needs as much Microsoft cash as he can get his hypocritical hands on.