Democrats Take Unusual Step to Help Them Cope With Maskless Future — Babylon Bee Style

AP Photo/Andrew Harnik

As I recently wrote on RedState, imagine the shock and horror on the left upon learning that the CDC had announced that “anyone who is fully vaccinated can participate in indoor and outdoor activities, large or small, without wearing a mask or physical distancing.”

For many of these poor wretched souls, the life they had come to know and love came crashing down with a sudden and unexpected thud. The only question remaining was — “science” — how they were going to cope with life in the brave new maskless world.

Think about it.

There they were, sailing along atop the mask mandate world, with Anthony Fauci — the hood ornament of the Democrat COVID Clown Car — forever telling them what to do and loving every silly minute of it — and BOOM. Goodbye political expediency, hello reality.

Now what? What does a good liberal do after his, her, xe, hir, hym or cos world is no more?

Welp, thanks to a crack report from The Babylon Bee — the best satire site in the universe — we have the answer. To help them cope with the depth of their sudden loss, many Democrats are turning to baby pacifiers to help wean themselves off masks.

That’s right, gang. “Democrats are now wearing Binkies to wean themselves off masks.” As The Bee reported:

With the CDC finally relaxing some guidelines around mask-wearing, Democrats are facing the dread of parting with something that has been giving them feelings of safety and security for over a year.

To help them cope with the loss, many Democrats are turning to baby pacifiers to help wean them off the masks.

“The binky is a perfect bridge toward a maskless future,” said one Democrat.

“He then quickly popped the rubber nipple back in his mouth for a few minutes before continuing. “I think it’s important to be open and vulnerable about the trauma we have all experienced in the last year.”

According to The Bee, the Democrat then “grabbed his blanky and went down for a nap.”

In related news, according to The Bee, “Dr. Fauci has endorsed the use of binkies for vaccinated Democrats — but he’s still suggesting a mask be worn over them at all times.”

Because of course he did, and of course they should.

Check out my recent “maskless” articles:

Megyn Kelly’s 9-Word Beatdown of Maddow’s ‘Maskless People’ Meltdown Is Beautiful

Close Encounters of the Mask Kind™ — My Personal Adventure in the CDC’s Brave New World