You gotta feel for the residents of the Big Apple.
Bill de Blasio has been their mayor for 2,387 days. (For those of you keeping score at home, he was inaugurated on January 1, 2010. If you’re checking my math, don’t forget to toss in three leap days.)
In addition, Andrew Cuomo has been their governor since January 1, 2011. (You do the math on this one; I’m done “mathing” for the day.)
Toss in COVID-19, which de Blasio all but ignored in its early weeks — while Cuomo sent mixed messages, at best — as the hapless mayor beseeched NYC residents to continue to frequent their favorite establishments — until the city was well on its way to becoming the epicenter of the COVID pandemic in America.
Did I mention that de Blasio and Cuomo were frequently involved in blame-game spat, throughout, as virus deaths continued to mount?
Finally, add in day after day of endless rioting, burning, looting, torching of police cars, and worse, as NYPD officers stood helplessly by and simply watched, many of whom publicly complained that they were receiving zero direction from City Hall.
And now… (cue “Jaws” music)… great white sharks are lurking off NYC beaches. In sinister fashion, no doubt, circling… waiting for just the right time to strike. The metaphor almost writes itself, doesn’t it?
That’s right, New Yorkers, just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water (or insert metaphor your choice), at least three great sharks lurk — somewhere off your beaches — as reported by New York Daily News — with another monster moving your way.
It gets worse.
A fifth man-eater — “the venerable Mary Lee, all 16 feet and 3,456 pounds of her” — is likely “hanging around her old chomping grounds on the Jersey shore.” Here’s the rundown on the cast of characters, according to the Osearch online shark tracker:
The most recent apex predators to take up residence in New York/New Jersey waters are Caroline (12 feet 9 inches long, 1,348 pounds) who pinged between Seaside Heights and Barnegat Light, N.J. on July 1; and Caper (8 feet, 348 pounds) and Cabot (9 feet, 533 pounds), whose electronic tags signaled on June 8 and 4, respectively, off the Hamptons.
New to the neighborhood is Vimy, a 1,164-pound behemoth nearly 13 feet long, who was tracked on July 10 in the deep ocean off Delaware and southern New Jersey. It’s possible he’s just doing a dive-by as he heads for the cool waters off Canada.
Mary Lee’s satellite tracker stopped working in 2017 when its five-year battery gave out, but scientists believe the locavore is alive and well.
OK that’s pretty scary. Mary Lee’s tracker stopped working three years ago, so New Yorkers and New Jerseyans (is that a word?) have no idea when she might next strike — not dissimilar to de Blasio, although his strikes occur on a near-daily basis, so…
No word from City Hall whether the mayor plans to take action against the sharks — or if so, what actions he might take.
Then again, #SharkLivesMatter.
This suggests de Blasio will stand idly by, so as not to disrespect the sharks, which means New York City beachgoers are pretty much going to be on their own — just like they’ve been on their own throughout the de Blasio-Cuomo-Virus-Riots fiasco from the beginning.
Speaking of the ineptitude of NYC’s hapless mayor, one thing he is very good at doing is throwing hissy fits at President Donald Trump.
As I wrote on Thursday, de Blasio, after having previously ordered the painting of a “Black Lives Matter” mural on Fifth Avenue right in front of Trump Tower, personally participated in the painting.
“Our city isn’t just painting the words on Fifth Avenue,” the mayor tweeted, “We’re committed to the meaning of the message.”
— Mayor Bill de Blasio (@NYCMayor) July 9, 2020
Uh-huh, mayor — the only messaged “meaning” you’re committed to is your unwavering loyalty to the Black Lives Matter movement and your continuing prostration before the false altar of “systemic racism.”
Anyway, let’s get back to the other sharks.
News of the great whites within “biting distance” of NYC shores surfaced after a 7-foot shark washed up on Rockaway Beach on July 1. Thing is, that shark was only a thresher, a harmless species that “poses a puppy dog’s threat to the bathing public,” said New York Daily News.
Great whites, on the other hand, can have upwards of 3,000 serrated, blade-like teeth that can each grow to 6 inches long. They fear no one. Just ask that doomed swimmer in the opening scene of “Jaws.”
Sometimes, these stories pretty much write themselves. This was one of those times. And a fun one, at that.