You’ve probably seen plenty of articles like this one, comparing our upcoming convention in Cleveland to the 1968 Democratic Convention. While there are some striking parallels, the Dem convention of ’68 had one very important thing that modern Republicans currently lack: Pigasus. Sure, the Trump campaign has provided plenty of political theater, and we all know that DC Republicans love pork, but a live pig? For President? Team Red hasn’t gone that far yet.
Maybe the Yippies were on to something though. As a longtime Republican who is #nevertrump and supports Cruz more because he’s hobson’s choice than because I believe he’s actually able to win and/or govern effectively (no disrespect intended to those of you who are true believers re: Cruz, I just don’t share your conviction), I’m starting to think that nominating a 145 lb hog may not be the worst idea ever. At the very least, said pig would be preferable to our current frontrunner. Here’s a just few of the many reasons I believe this is so. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
1. According to Jerry Rubin, Pigasus demanded a foreign policy briefing. Trump has failed to articulate a foreign policy agenda for months.
2. Pigasus’ supporters had a good plan for what to do if their candidate lost: “If we can’t have him in the White House, we can have him for breakfast.” If Trump supporters don’t get their man, will they cook him for breakfast? Sadly, no. They’ll just riot instead.
3. Pigasus actually had a platform. Granted, it was a literal pile of garbage, “just like the platform of all the other parties.” But that still is more than Trump has proffered thus far.
4. Pigasus didn’t tweet. Nuff said.
5. According to Professor Donald Broom of the Cambridge University Veterinary School, “[Pigs] have the cognitive ability to be quite sophisticated.” Trump? Not so much.
6. Pigasus would never have advocated dipping bullets in pig blood to shoot Muslims.
7. In the Chinese zodiac, the pig is seen to represent, fortune, honesty, happiness and virility. Trump is only associated with fortune, although he certainly wishes he was associated with virility too.
8. When people call Trump a pig, they’re not being literal. Unlike Herr Trump, Pigasus is the real deal. And everyone knows voters love authenticity in a candidate.