In the age of constant, instant media, The Grammys have become an underwhelming circle jerk. Most awards shows have become that these days. It’s not entirely the fault of the artists who covet these awards. They are an important steppingstone in the pursuit of fame, and fame is a tricky thing. It yields so much unhappiness, and yet almost all who are covered in it cannot help but continually chase after it.

Fading from public adoration can be done, even if it would be hard at first. Others have done it, although it’s rare. The cycle of fame moves on eventually and finds new sacrifices to devour. Dave Chappelle “disappeared” into normal life for over a decade before reemerging in the public eye. Bridget Fonda is from one of the world’s most (in)famous acting dynasties and was a highly sought leading lady in the early 90s. She hated fame, and eventually married and faded into suburban life, where every once in a while a bored paparazzo will snap her running some errands and publish a photo of her “non-starlet” look, shocked that someone who was once a sex symbol could just look so normal, as if aging is some kind of failure for a woman.

That brings me back to The Grammys last Sunday night. It isn’t unusual to see men and women caught up in the trap of fame turning to Botox treatments and fillers and plastic surgery in a vain attempt to turn back the clock. We’re used to it, and so is the industry. It must be very difficult to work in a business that values youth over talent; that showers you with the adoration and approval you so longed for all your life, and then casts you aside once you’re “too old” to be novel. I can appreciate the struggle, but when I saw Madonna take the stage to introduce Sam Smith’s warmed over “edgy Madonna circa 1986” routine I was truly saddened. So were many others. It’s hard to gauge who was getting the most negative attention on Monday morning – Sam Smith or Madonna.

I don’t know how to describe it without sounding cruel. I’ll say this – Madonna is 64 years old. Here is a picture from Sunday night.

What is your first thought seeing this image? pic.twitter.com/grDWM1dVbs

— Ian Miles Cheong (@stillgray) February 6, 2023

If you follow the Material Girl on Instagram, you’ll see highly curated, highly filtered images, top to bottom. Rumor has it Madonna has a staff that is entirely dedicated to photoshopping every image of her that goes out to the public, including photos taken by other people. Live television has no such apparatus, so it seems Madonna created her own “live” filter in the form of egregious fillers, surgery, and Botox. It was a disaster.

More than that, it is a shame.

The Madonna I grew up with was a symbol of female creativity, power and confidence. Love her or hate her, people were always talking about her. She may not be the most gifted singer, but she is certainly a gifted artist, and she somehow managed to be in control of her image in an industry that thrives on control, particularly for women. She was always changing up her look, changing up her music, changing up her approach. It was a thrill to see what she would come up with next, how she would evolve from album to album, video to video. She seemed to have the ability to make her own rules, and then change them when she felt like it. Maybe that was a lie, but that was certainly how it seemed.

She deserves an immense amount of credit for continuing a thriving career even as the superficial aspects of the industry (youth, top-40 placements, etc.) moved on. That isn’t easy to do, and few artists accomplish that. I think it is indicative of her intellect, work ethic and determination. It’s not for nothin’, to say the least.

I always imagined such a competent businesswoman would learn to evolve her power structure as well. Youth doesn’t last, but power and influence can. I had hoped she might go on to become what some of her male counterparts like JayZ and Dr.Dre have become…a king/queen maker, power player, producer, industry shaper. I had hoped she would take the incredible success of her performance career and morph that into something that would pave more roads for other women who had been in her position when she started out. In her time, there were few advocates for female power in the business. What a legacy it would be to become that type of game-changer.

Instead, the Madonna that has evolved is one that has become more vulnerable to the pressures of aging in a male-dominated industry. The trajectory she seemed to be taking was one of embracing change, but instead, it has become a fruitless attempt to prevent change. While it is really no one’s business how a woman decides to look, it does feel like a betrayal of who she has sold herself to us as all these decades. She could be one of the most powerful brokers in the music business but has instead chosen to continue her quest to simply be the “hottest.” An impossible quest. Time does not respect money or fame. Time, in the end, is master of us all.

Entertainment gurus and fans alike used to call Madonna things like “brave” and “courageous” for the boundaries she pushed in sexuality, image and even religion. I suppose it’s easy to be “brave” when most of the world is applauding your every move.

It would be so refreshing – and yes, brave – to see a woman like Madonna buck the system at 64 the way she did at 34. It would be courageous to see her stand up on a stage without the excessive facial reconstruction and dare America and the world to gaze upon a successful woman, wrinkles, shrunken cheekbones and all. It would be so inspiring to see a change-agent like Madonna evolve once again into a woman in the third act of her life, embracing all the ups and downs and vulnerabilities that come with it.

What if Madonna had stood on that stage introducing her own acts that she’s produced? What if she’d sat in the audience next to JayZ, quietly confident in the knowledge that she has grown an award-winning team and a dominating business empire?

Sam Smith tried to “shock” the world with his tired satanic pop star routine (done better and earlier by Madonna herself, on several occasions).

But the most shocking and edgiest thing to happen Sunday night would have been for such an accomplished, successful, iconic woman like Madonna to stand on the stage in front of millions with her natural, aging form, and tell anyone suggesting she should be embarrassed for the crime of being alive at 64 to go f*** themselves…in true Madonna style.

It’s funny how female pop stars are always driven to “grow up” as their careers evolve. From Madonna to Britney Spears to Miley Cyrus (add any modern pop babe to this list) there is always a moment where these young women tell their fans they are evolving and growing up. In the music industry, that typically means becoming more blatantly sexual, promiscuous or “in-your-face” with their stage presence. It’s equally funny how “growing up” stops being a career move once those women hit 40 or so. Suddenly, they don’t want to be seen as changing and evolving. They want to be seen as they were 20 years earlier. Maturing is only edgy until the wrinkles start showing up.

It would be a fascinating act of rebellion to see Madonna continue to change and evolve.

What we saw on Sunday was the all-too-familiar hold of the entertainment industry on beautiful, talented women. It seems to win out every time. A legacy that could be cemented with a vision for the future is instead reduced to desperately clinging to a youth that cannot be recaptured.

I suppose this is a tragedy that belongs to all of us. We all play a part in this twisted entertainment ecosystem. Every person reading this has probably, at one time or another, made a disparaging comment about a public-facing woman who has gained a few pounds or let her face and body age naturally. We forget (and yes, I’m guilty of this) these stars are just people, and the things we say hurt them, no matter how much money they have to wipe their tears with. The pressure must be immense, and I’m not foolish or naive enough to believe that I wouldn’t be engaging in the same beauty rat race were I in Madonna’s place. I mean no disrespect with these observations, and I think we all need to own our part in it.

I only wish Madonna could see herself through the lens of her accomplishments instead of Instagram filters. I do believe that would help create the lasting influence she so obviously craves.