I log in to Twitter every morning. I have the same social media addiction as many other Americans, but I do find that Twitter helps me get a good read on how the news cycle will develop throughout the day. The trending bar will often give away anything big that happened overnight, and my follows fill in the rest of the blanks. However, lately when I log in to Twitter in the mornings, I’ve been seeing not news events on the trending tab, but celebrities. Usually, it gives my heart a bit of a start.

“Oh no, this very important celebrity has died!” is always my first reaction.

Recently, however, the celebrity names trending on Twitter have been because those people have been behaving naughtily. Oh, not the traditional naughty things, like drug binges and orgies, and public meltdowns. That’s so 2005. Given that left-wing celebrity/entertainment culture has pretty much done away with all moral boundaries and pretenses, the only thing left for the left to get upset about is happy people.

Chris Pratt made the grave error recently of publicly praising his lovely wife (honey, why can’t you be more like Chris Pratt??) for being his partner and giving him a “healthy daughter.” You may be wondering why the progressive cranks would get so upset over that, but apparently, they all took it upon themselves to be offended on behalf of Chris’ ex-wife Anna Farris. Their son Jack was born with a serious medical condition and spent some time in hospital at birth.

Spoilers: He was just complimenting his wife. As it turns out, Chris Pratt doesn’t think of his son as some freak of nature because he struggled to survive as a baby.

Today when I woke up, Terry Crews was trending. Crews has already come under fire for not being appropriately enraged about his America’s Got Talent co-star’s alleged #MeToo experience. He’s also a very traditional man who is open about his battle with pornography and his struggle to repair his marriage and family because of it. So what was Crews’ horrific crime? Did he get on the private jet of an internationally renowned pedophile and spend a week on his island of teenage sex slaves? Did he commit horrifying medical experiments on innocent beagle puppies? Did he shoot and kill a person on the set of his latest project?

No. Terry Crews made a commercial for Amazon.

The outrage flew. Terry Crews is a union buster (Amazon is not a union shop). Terry Crews hates workers’ rights. Terry Crews would’ve done advertisements for slavery if someone paid him enough.

Terry Crews would’ve told Rosa Parks to get tf up.

— NUFF (@nuffsaidny) November 10, 2021

Terry crews getting paid millions to pretend to be a wage slave https://t.co/IVcIqmZUGE

— Umbral Vermian Terra (@TerraUmbra18Pls) November 10, 2021

This is Terry Crews cosplaying as a poor person to do an ad for union busting.
He's basically John Cena's character from Suicide Squad now. https://t.co/Inb5MBKFTk

— Elie Mystal (@ElieNYC) November 10, 2021

It occurred to me that probably 100% of the people whining about Terry Crews taking an acting job for Amazon are the very same people who accused people like me of outright murder for wanting to keep small businesses open during the pandemic, even as outlets like Amazon amassed fortunes for being allowed to stay in operation. They supported the march towards an Amazon monopoly in the name of “the greater good” and now they want to pretend that it’s not their pandemic fears that have done more damage at the hands of Amazon than a lone, Black man on tv in work boots and an orange vest.

Spoilers: Like Chris Pratt, Terry Crews is an open and committed Christian. And that is the real sin here.

The truth is, there is nothing men like Crews and Pratt can do to quell the hateful accusations slung their way by the keyboard warriors of the progressive left. Their sin — according to the progressive left — does not lie in vaguely offending ex-wives or supporting non-union companies with their acting talents. Those are the stated sins, but they are actually just the manufactured justification for a particularly pathetic hatred that has gripped the left-wing of society and politics these days.

Their real sin, their original sin, is happiness.

The progressive left in this country has become dangerously addicted to suffering. Just like the drug addict who cannot tolerate being around sober people who don’t want to participate in their drug of choice, progressive sourpusses cannot tolerate the presence of anyone who has chosen joy, or contentment, or happiness over bitterness and outrage. To these cranks, rage is a virtue and victimhood is nobility. If you’re not angry at someone all the time, then you are not a serious person. Worse. You are an enemy.

They think this because their entire worldview is mired in projection. They can only see the world and everyone in it (who isn’t them) as nefarious and selfish and intentionally cruel. Sure, Pratt and Crews may look happy while they’re on social media or in commercials, but it must be a lie because no one would just do a thing simply because it makes them happy or brings them joy. They must have underlying motives. They must be covering up for darker intentions, because good intentions can’t possibly exist for people who aren’t wailing about the state of modern society 24 hours a day.

Pratt and Crews must be liars. They are committed Christians, committed husbands, and men who take on traditional roles in their family structure. That “patriarchal” lifestyle is supposed to lead to misery and bitterness. If they are truly content in their own skin, in their own lives, then what does that say about the messy, angst-ridden lives of the progressive cranks? They can’t be right. They must instead be subtly insulting their families and trying to single-handedly bring down workers’ unions. It couldn’t possibly be that they have found contentment in a way that doesn’t involve burning down cities, entirely re-segregating American society, and erasing the complete history of human knowledge of biology and gender.

The progressive left that is represented in social media mob culture is addicted to rage and misery. It makes them feel like “serious” people. It gives them purpose. So naturally, they must degrade men who have found purpose outside of the culture of resentment. If men like Pratt and Crews are right about the key to contentment — family and higher obligations outside of their work lives — then the progressive left is screwed.

They don’t like to work and they hate traditional family structures.

It looks like they’ll just be miserable forever. It’s a brand.