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Unsolicited Advice: Don't Punish a Baby Because You're a Moron

The backlash against Texas’ new abortion limits has been as overwrought and hysterical as we expected it to be. With Trump out of the picture, the liberal drama mascots haven’t had as many opportunities to trot out those references to The Handmaid’s Tale they’d spent four years perfecting. All those hours of tv, all those days of sewing red capes and matching hats, all those miles spent on the road to show off those outfits at the gates of the White House while CNN looked on with admiration…it was all wiped away with the election of SaintSleepy… President Joe Biden. What should one do with all these costumes of oppression? They’re not even useful for Halloween with the Delta variant creeping in and all those MAGA losers walking around without masks like they own the place!

So I can only imagine the elation that the pro-abortion left must have felt upon the news that Texas has passed a “heartbeat” bill that bans abortion once a heartbeat has been detected – typically at about six weeks in the womb. At long last thousands of lonely, angry, women can dust off those red capes and swing back into action. Their purpose has been renewed. Texas is the new Donald Trump and only one thing can stop it…COSTUMES!

Distraught is the new black, and one Texas couple told reporters they were in such fear of the new EXTREME (insert crazy-face emoji here) pro-life laws in Texas that the husband decided to have a vasectomy to “prevent any concerns about pregnancy in light of the state’s restrictive new abortion law.”

Sometimes you see a thing that is so unaware, so stupid, so thoughtless that it gives you the sensation of sucking on a lemon. Your whole face curls up in confusion and disgust.

Is it possible that grown adults could be this clueless and this addicted to drama that they don’t even see that they make the case for the pro-life crowd with their stupid stupidity?

Instead of making what they surely thought of as a passionate argument for abortion, they’ve proven two things:

1)The “safe, legal and rare” argument is a myth and liberal abortion fanatics really do see abortion as birth control rather than a crisis response.

2)It is well within their power to prevent unplanned pregnancy if they choose to.

So I would like to offer a little unsolicited advice to the overdramatic couple who seemed to genuinely believe they were acting with heroism.

You’re adults. Handle your shit.

Abortion is not birth control and adults are supposed to understand how sex works. Babies are made when sperm meets egg. There are a myriad of options to avoid that scenario, including abstinence. Your choice of a vasectomy to avoid unwanted pregnancy isn’t heroic. It really is the least you can do.

When adults make mistakes, it is not our place to make children pay the price. We find it grossly unjust when adults struggling with addiction endanger their children. We find it grossly unjust when adults involved in criminal activity bring those elements around their children. We find it grossly unjust when adults neglect their children so they can go to a casino or hang out with friends or do things they have no business doing with small kids at home. We find it abhorrent that an adult would purposefully endanger their own child because of their stupid decisions.

Pregnancy is no different. There’s no excuse to not know how sex and contraceptives work. If you find yourself in a situation in which your actions have created a pregnancy, the burden isn’t the baby’s to bear. It is yours. Killing a baby who can’t speak for herself just because you forgot the condoms is hardly a solution.

Contraceptives are hardly heroic. They are literally the bare minimum you can do to protect yourselves from those horrible, disgusting, soul-sucking families that require us to mature and learn selflessness and service. Gross!

The worst thing this Texas abortion law has done to you is forced you to do the bare minimum that is expected of you anyway as a responsible adult. You can’t depend on the right to murder your unborn infant as a way to wrestle with the consequences of your failure to plan ahead.

Quelle horreur!

If your biggest complaint about Texas abortion law is that you have to be responsible for your own birth control, you might want to reassess your fitness for adulthood.

If you’re not smart enough to understand the possible outcomes of sexual activity with your partner, don’t be dumb enough to make your baby pay for it.

It’s your fault you’re a moron. Not hers.