I have a confession to make. I am sick…

…of coronavirus commercials. I in no way feel comforted by them, moved by them and I’m certainly not entertained by them. At the very least they make me want to change the channel. At worst they make me want to actively boycott the products.

I don’t want to see one more damn coronavirus commercial!

No more “We’re all in this together”…we are decidedly not. From celebrities doing Tik Toks from their palatial estates to Nancy Pelosi’s subzero freezer filled to the brim with expensive ice cream it has become increasingly clear that we are indeed not all in this together. Some of us are crammed into stale apartments. Some of us are isolated with our abusers or family addicts. Some of us are losing the businesses we worked our whole lives to build. Others of us are in mansions, still getting paid, still traveling, still going to parties, still going to private gym appointments. None of us are together, though. That’s kind of the whole point.

I don’t want to see one more damn celebrity sing-along over Zoom. In fact, I don’t want to see one more damn thing over Zoom, period!

No more Zoom late night shows, no more Zoom daytime shows, no more Zoom “reunions” from your favorite casts and no more Zoom “specials”  where the wealthiest among us try to soothe our pain from their poolsides. Zoom’s usability and popularity was possibly the most helpful thing to come out of this thing. Now it is the most annoying thing and I would like to go back to having never to think about it.

I don’t want to see one more damn post about the “new normal.”

No, we will not be making adjustments to the “new normal.” The normal normal was working just fine for us and has for decades. the Spanish Flu outbreaks of 1918 and 1919 caused record deaths in the tens of millions. They were devastating and people had to suffer through a prolonged period of lifestyle adjustments but we still have parades. We still have concerts and sports events and parties. We didn’t need the “new normal” to save us. We learned and went on with society. We did not build a “new normal” that criminalized our neighbors, forced us to treat each other as suspicious incubators of death and completely restructured businesses and recreational facilities to physically prevent human contact of any kind. We did not build a “new normal” that forced us to treat our fellow citizens as enemies just for walking around and breathing. Shove the “new normal” up your mask. We’re having none of it. Stay home if you don’t want to be normal.

I don’t want to see one more damn “hand clap” for frontline workers…hell, I don’t even want to hear the term “frontline worker” ever again.

No more. Currently in all of Orange County, CA there are 78 patients in ICU for COVID-19. We’ve had a total of 88 COVID related deaths and the ICU population has never crested the 80s. Orange County has a population of 3.1 million. My local hospital has not seen one COVID case.  Yet for weeks people have insisted on going out and doing a nightly “clap” for frontline workers. I participated in a couple but every time I thought “Who are we clapping for??? Our hospital is empty!” No more claps for people who are doing the jobs they get paid to do because that’s the job they choose to do. Thanks for caring for your patients. We like that and that’s why we agree to pay a fee for your services.

I don’t want to attend one more “drive by” birthday party.

No more. They are no longer clever and now just an annoying symbol of how stupid all of this is. They are no longer a form of ingenuity. They are a sign of acquiescence to the complete illogic of this shutdown.

I don’t want to hear one more word about “phases” or “stages” and we need to burn the term “social distancing” for all eternity. In fact, I don’t even think we should be doing mass testing anymore. We were living with this thing just fine until the whole world freaked out. It came and went in California without anyone knowing it or noting it. Tests should be for the sick, otherwise kindly screw off.

If I have to hear Governor Gavin Newsom ask us to “meet the moment” one more time I’m going to eyeroll myself into the future…seriously, my eyeballs are one press briefing away from defying space and time.

I don’t want to see one more reporter or government official wearing a mask that does absolutely nothing in the space they are in except signal to you that they’re “one of us” when we know that mask comes off the second they finish their comments.

I am far past fear and have now pulled into “Done With This Bullsh**” county, population 1.

If we’re part of the problem then it only stands to reason we are part of the solution. This leads me to believe that the only thing standing in the way of getting our lives back is what we are willing to accept as “normal.” I cannot speak for you but on my own behalf let me just say…

I am done. From here on out the health risks I take should be my own and not my government’s. We gave them their “30 days to slow the spread” and a hell of a lot more. Now it’s time for them to start giving back.

We’re done commiserating.