Amy Schumer Invents 'I Don’t Want to Be Here' Chic

(Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP)

Tonight (May 2nd), the Met Gala is taking place in New York City. The Met Gala is an annual fundraiser event for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute, this explaining why 99.44 percent of the outfits worn by those attending the event have to be costumes as no sane person would ever dress this way for real-life stuff. We all recall with tremendous affection Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s “Tax The Rich” dress from last year’s soirée, it providing a week’s worth of quality chuckles and parody opportunities.


Covering such events requires a lot of muttering about how the late great Andrew Breitbart was right; politics is downstream from culture and we on the right need to have at least passing knowledge of what’s going on in society to better equip ourselves for engaging with others not yet red-pilled. And let’s be honest; there are also tremendous opportunities for high hilarity when you see what some of these people have concocted. That said, one attendee may have single-handedly established a new high in approaching such events. Or is it low?

Without further ado, Amy Schumer. Yes, Amy Schumer.

Where to begin? Let’s start with the dress.

Actually, we can’t start with the dress. There isn’t one. Instead, we have a gushingly described “coat dress.” A coat dress is what a woman who could officially not care less throws on. It saves her the trouble of checking her coat, and it conveniently hides the fact she’s not wearing anything aside from, hopefully, underwear.


Next, the sunglasses. A perfect accessory. Dark enough to hide the upcoming hangover and/or the lingering one incurred while drowning yourself in secret sauce the night before as you dread the upcoming event. But no sympathy here; you knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Amy.

The only thing missing from the ensemble is a cigarette dangling from Amy Schumer’s lips and a button on her coat dress reading SORRY I’M LATE; I DIDN’T WANT TO COME. The theme for tonight’s shindig is “gilded glamour.” Apparently, Schumer misheard this as “wilted candor.”

The woman obviously doesn’t want to be there. Yet, there she is, and with a clever twist on things. Schumer has managed to call maximum attention to herself by appearing in peak “I don’t want to be appearing here” form. While others are desperately crying out for acclaim via outfits that defy the imagination:

Um … yeah. Back to Schumer. Instead of lampooning her for her cartoon character liberal views and relentless waves of humor-void humor, let us thank Amy for showing the way. You, too, can stand out from the crowd by following her path. Make it obvious you’d rather be cleaning the cat box than being wherever you happen to be! You, too, can be the star of the show.


By heading toward the first available exit.


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