Much to Baseball's Dismay, the South Has Risen to Take Over the World Series

AP Photo/John Bazemore

The World Series pretty much no one on this planet wanted save Astros and Braves fans starts this Tuesday, with starting pitchers Charlie Morton of Atlanta and Framber Valdez of Houston set to get the party started. That sound you’re hearing is ESPN furiously working on covering any story other than this matchup.

Other than using it as a scapegoat for all perceived ailments in America, ignoring the South is a cottage industry for almost all media. This started approximately fifteen minutes after the South began voting Republican. Before then, while the George Wallaces and Bull Connors of this world gathered much-needed attention, hastily crafted “they’re not real Democrats — they’re Dixiecrats!” statements were standard operational procedure. Reminders that the Dixiecrats as an actual organization came and went in 1948 fell on deaf ears. Guilt by association with anything below the Mason-Dixon Line.

Aside from college football, there is pretty much nothing the North wishes to cede to the South. Apparently, some uppity uppers among the upper crust, none of whom set foot in Upper Manhattan unless necessary, are still up in arms over the unpleasantries some (checks notes) 150 years ago when the South decided to take up arms in an effort to secede from the North. Talk about being poor winners.

Anyway, the Series itself is loaded with intrigue. The majority of “experts” favor the Astros because of their powerful lineup, but others are picking the Braves due to their better starting pitching and how it quieted both the Milwaukee Brewers and Los Angeles Dodgers bats on the team’s way to the pennant. Casual fans might be hard-pressed to name anyone on the Braves. At the same time, Houston is hopefully realistic about things, therefore resigned to the fact that even if it wins convincingly, it’ll still be labeled the Asterisks. Both teams are doubtless sighing and snickering at the thought that no matter who wins, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred would prefer cleaning his cat’s litter box to handing either manager the trophy. As Sister Toldjah earlier noted, the karma currently crushing cancel culture is on the prowl, what with Coca-Cola now hoping no one in Georgia remembers its temper tantrum following passage of the Georgia voting reform law and the even more delicious thought that should the Braves win in either four or five games, Manfred will be forced to hand the team the championship trophy in the city he pulled the All-Star Game from earlier this year. Can you say “schadenfreude?”

There are conflicting emotions regarding this Series at the sports desk located somewhere below decks on the Good Pirate Ship RedState. As an A’s fan, the thought of rooting for the Astros brings on an allergic reaction. However, Astros manager Dusty Baker is a California man and a longtime favorite, so it would be good to see him finally win it all as a manager (he was a player on the Los Angeles Dodgers 1981 championship squad).

And there you have it. The most un-PC World Series imaginable. Love every minute of it.