My last living sister Adrienne passed away in September. So, now it is just me and my two brothers. The five Oliver sisters no longer exist, at least in this life. Last year, before my sister had passed, I wrote about my complicated relationship with Mother's Day as well as our unique family circumstances. 

Adrienne was the first mother of the family. As the eldest girl, she gave our mother her first grandson, and quickly popped out three other sons after that. Because her husband was a pastor, a good majority of Mother's Day activity was centered around Adrienne and her full family; particularly when our mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and put in assisted care. Even after I moved from Chicago to California, there were opportunities to visit, and those sometimes fell around Mother's Day. By then, Adrienne was a grandmother, so the celebrations had grown even bigger and were things to look forward to. 

My husband Lynn's mother also left this life two years ago. While she lived away from us, she was honored every Mother's Day in some form or another. Both of these deaths signify the last of close family whom we could honor on this day. I do give honor to my friends and others who are mothers, but there is no longer anyone familial to celebrate. It has left a hole and begs the question: "What do you do when you don't have any mothers to celebrate?"

I have always been someone who needs things to look forward to; so, I plan trips, dinners, care packages, and celebrations. One of my love languages is giving gifts, so I am that Hallmark person who enjoys lavishing on her loved ones for all those days they make cards for. Not having those particular people to lavish upon today kind of feels like someone has cut off my arms.

Social media has also taken a strange turn. A few week's ago, I received this email from Open Table, a reservation service:

Apparently this is a thing, although it's the first time I have experienced it. Maybe AI has gotten to the sophistication where it knows you have recently suffered a loss and sends out the bat signal. Kind of creepy, actually.

But some of the social media postings are also kind of creepy. While friends and colleagues are sharing their Mother's Day postings of their weekend celebrations, others are taking the opportunity to bash other women. Several "influencers" are demanding that Mother's Day be a celebration only for mothers who have borne or raised children.  

Mother’s Day is for mothers. Full stop.

Not “dog moms.” Not “plant moms.” Not “cat moms.”
It’s for women who have conceived, carried, birthed, raised, or lost a child.

And yet every year, women with no connection to motherhood try to insert themselves. Why?
Why is there such a… pic.twitter.com/7R6ye3klxP

— The Feminist Turned HouseWife (@turnedwife) May 9, 2025

Mother’s Day is for mothers. Full stop. 

Not “dog moms.” Not “plant moms.” Not “cat moms.” It’s for women who have conceived, carried, birthed, raised, or lost a child. And yet every year, women with no connection to motherhood try to insert themselves. Why? Why is there such a need to be included in something that has nothing to do with you? 

We don’t expect to be honored on Veteran’s Day if we’ve never served. We don’t expect a graduation party because we like to read. But when it comes to motherhood, suddenly, everyone wants a piece of the title without carrying the cost. Motherhood is not a feeling. It’s not a vibe. It’s not an aesthetic. It’s blood, sacrifice, and a thousand invisible acts of love. 

You want to be honored on Mother’s Day? Then become a mother. 

Until then, let the day belongs only to the women who gave their bodies and hearts to bring life into the world.

On the one hand, I can understand this sentiment, with all the trans craziness and attempted erasure of women and their unique role of bringing life into the world. On the other hand, it's kind of harsh and limited, particularly on a day when some women who are trying to do it "the right way" are struggling with grief and loss because they cannot conceive, cannot adopt, and can't afford IVF. 

What about women (like me) who wanted to do it "the right way," but life and circumstance did not allow for it. I personally believe that a child needs a mother and a father, but did not meet the love of my life until later in life. Biology isn't exactly accommodating to child bearing past a certain age, no matter what the feminists say. 

What about women who would have loved to adopt children, but the spouses, or the broken system, or finances did not allow for it? 

What about women who took on being mothers to children who were part of their families, but not ones they bore? 

This apparent trad wife's interpretation is not only limited in its scope, but as elitist as the women on the other side of the argument who claim that the distinctive roles of mother and father is a social construct and does not matter. Both miss the point of celebration. Both erase women who struggle with the day for various reasons.

Whether you birthed the child, significantly nurtured or guided some young person's life, or pour love and nurture into fur babies, it's important to celebrate and honor the women who do this, not marginalize others because they are not part of your club.

Which brings me back to my question. This year, I have no answers. I plan to dress up. I probably will wear some clothing or jewelry from my mother, sisters and mother-in-law as a private honoring. As the picture above shows, our church does the photo wall for Mother's Day, so Lynn and I will probably take a new portrait, even though we are child free. 

Next year, I hope to have a mother or mothers for whom I can put on the dog, because it is important for me to have someone to honor. We'll see how life changes and what 2026 brings.

So, Happy Mother's Day! If you have mothers to embrace today, hold them tight and enjoy. If you've suffered maternal loss or you have lost your own mother, find someone who can embrace and acknowledge you today. 

I leave you with a gift to celebrate from one of my mother's favorite artists: Johnny Cash. This version of "Will The Circle Be Unbroken" features June Carter Cash, Pop Staples, and Carleen Anderson. Our family was a musical one, and in the wayback years, my sisters and I harmonized together quite a lot. So, this verse holds special significance. 

We sang the songs of childhood

Hymns of faith that made us strong

Ones that mother Maybelle taught us

Hear the angels sing along

Will the circle be unbroken

By and by, lord, by and by

There's a better home a-waiting

In the sky, lord, in the sky

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