Welcome back to another installment of the Watercooler, RedState’s daily Open Thread! Today, we’ve got…

Dept. of “Another One Bites the Dust”

This just in: According to Christine Rousselle over at sister-site Townhall, Rick Santorum and Rand Paul have finally reconnected with reality and dropped out of the race. Wonder if it was some kind of transfer where they pushed it over into Stubfingers the Vulgar somehow?

A Little Hashtag Fun

For your Trumpkin Twitter-trolling pleasure… #StubfingersGotStomped  #TedThumpedTrump   #SayNoToBiff  #Sux2BStubfingers   #TrumpTrounced   #ThumpedTheChump   #CruzMissileStrike  #HastaLaByeByeBUTTHEAD!

Yeah, I been saving that last one for a while… ever since the Donald Trump-Biff Tannen link was pointed out, actually. I just hope I’m not premature springing it… Oh heck, let’s just work #Stubfingers into it any time any of us mention the #FifthAveFascist on social media and see if we can drive him into Dean Scream territory. Oh, and don’t forget #WINNING, because… well, just to tweak him and his less-sober spiritual twin Charlie Sheen.

Quick Hits:

• For your irony fix: A Massachusetts Congresswoman trying to pass legislation addressing the SWATting epidemic got hit with one herself. Seems to me, we do need something, but we already have crimes it fits on the book: just charge SWATters with Filing False Police Report, Assault w/Deadly Weapon, Attempted Murder, Conspiracy and Terrorism and be done with it. If *anybody* gets injured in a SWATting, charge the perp with Aggravated Assault/Homicide, regardless of who pulled the trigger. Simple, no?
• We’ve all returned library books late… but how about a half-century overdue?
• This just in from DC: Really, they want to BRIBE thugs and crims to not commit crimes? Anyone wanna place bets how that’ll work out?
• Now here’s an investment you can really sink your teeth into: An Italian cheesemaker is issuing bonds backed by wheels of Parmesan. At least if you have to eat a hit on your investment it’ll taste good…

Hat tip to Orbusmax.com for leads on this section.

This Week In History

• Sunday, Jan. 31: 13th Amendment (Abolition) passes Congress, 1865; Scotch tape introduced, 1930; Apollo 14 launched, 1971
• Monday, Feb. 1: Oxford English Dictionary published, 1884; Marshalls-Gilberts raids, first American offensive against Japan, 1942; Columbia disaster, 2003
• Tuesday, Feb. 2: Groundhog Day first observed, 1887; G.I. Joe figures introduced, 1964; F-16 Falcon fighter’s first flight, 1974; Abscam sting hits press, 1980
• Wednesday, Feb. 3: First American paper money issued by Massachusetts, 1690; 16th Amendment ratified to create Federal income tax, 1913; “The Day The Music Died,” 1959
• Thursday, Feb. 4: Confederate States of America formed, 1861; USO established, 1941; SLA kidnaps Patty Hearst, 1974
• Friday, Feb. 5: Panama Canal Treaty signed, 1900; first American air-combat victory, 1918; Noriega indicted, 1988
• Saturday, Feb. 6: Seattle General Strike begins, 1919; integrated circuit (microchip) patented, 1959; Round Table Talks begin the downfall of Communism, 1989

Today’s Birthday’s: Journalist Horace Greeley, 1811; artist Norman Rockwell, 1894; author James A. Michener, 1907; politician Beau Biden, 1969

This Week In History is compiled with assistance from History.com and Wikipedia.

Quote of the Day

I think he’s bleeding from his whatever.–RedState commenter “bwsmith”, yesterday, on Trump in Iowa

As always, the Watercooler is an Open Thread. Something on your mind? Sound Off here!