Promoted from the diaries by streiff. Promotion does not imply endorsement.
This past week we found out that Kanye West was a “token Negro, among other slurs. That was probably the biggest story, but there were others not covered on these pages. What follows are some stories that may have been lost in that never-ending fray known as the culture wars.
Goof Ball of the Week
This week’s award goes to the infinitely boring singer named John Mayer. At a concert in Baltimore, Mayer took time out from lulling the audience into a stupor by railing against the “bulls*** alpha male contract,” whatever that is. Said the doofus:
The idea that if you’re a man, any woman you see, you should be able to get an erection- and when you don’t that’s the trauma. I don’t want it to be the male contract, but that’s the contract, and we have to tear that contract up.
Seriously… what on earth is this dolt talking about? Erections on sight? Seriously, as proof that isn’t even a phenomena, I bring you this next story.
A Lena Dunham Sighting
The walrus-like actress recently emerged. No- she’s not appearing at SeaWorld this month. Instead, she took to Instagram to catalog a litany of physical ailments which she claims is her ongoing battle with fibromyalgia. However, she then makes the incredible claim that the recent confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh actually triggered her latest outburst of the disease.
Eat More Chick-In?
According to researchers who have conducted the most thorough investigation and study on how the world’s eating habits affect the environment (seriously- they are actually saying that), in order for the earth to survive, humans must decrease their meat consumption by up to 90%. Combined with the impending implosion of the earth into a fireball due to global warming, the study suggests that at the current rate of meat consumption, it will not be enough to sustain earth’s population by the year 2050. Suggestion: breed more livestock!
When Gays Hate Themselves
Anna Ayers is the commissioner of the student senate appropriations committee at Ohio University. She was astounded one day to find a note in her desk with obvious slurs against homosexuals. This was followed by another note calling her a derogatory term in reference to her sexuality. Upon investigation, it was discovered that the note writer was none other than Anna Ayers. She was charged with filing false reports by university police.
Washington and Lee Get New Clothes
Prominent portraits of George Washington and Robert E. Lee at their namesake college- Washington & Lee University in Virginia- are being removed and replaced with portraits of both in civilian clothes. It is also closing admission to Lee’s tomb during official events and renaming several buildings in honor of the college’s first tenured female professor and first black graduate. These are just a few of the 31 recommendations suggested in an official university report.
The End of an Era
On Columbus Day, ironically, the Cleveland Indians were eliminated from baseball’s playoffs by the Houston Astros. That marked the official resignation of Chief Wahoo as the team’s logo which is proudly worn on the front of all Cleveland player’s hats. The team bowed before the altar of social justice and promised to remove the logo before the 2019 season. Some critics found it racist and offensive which has been in use since 1947. There is no word yet on whether the racially insensitive moniker of Cleveland’s football team- the Browns- is being readied for a much-needed updating.
If Not Lies and Slander, How About Some Good Old Fashioned Witchcraft?
This one has been covered on these pages, but for $10 you too can participate in a public hexing of Supreme Court Justice (YES! We can say that now proudly) Brett Kavanaugh by a group of Brooklyn, New York witches. The moonbats at some liberal outlets, most notably Vox are actually encouraging their twelve readers to pony up the money which the witches say will be donated to Planned Parenthood- America’s notorious abortion mill. Well, if it keeps some future liberal moonbats from being born…
That’s it for this week. Be sure to join me next week for the ongoing horror movie scarier than all the scary movies combined- the Culture Wars!