The hallowed grounds of Arlington National Cemetery held deep reverence for me long before I first walked them as a young adult two decades ago. For anyone who visits this place, reminders abound of its solemn creed: dignity and respect. But Arlington became far more personal after my brigade returned from a combat deployment to Afghanistan in 2012. Before we made it home, one of our own was laid to rest there.

Each time I return to this solemn hill overlooking Washington, D.C., I make it a point to visit his grave. We didn’t know each other, having served in different parts of the unit at different locations. But I remember very clearly the moment I learned of his passing. On June 1, 2012, Haqqani network insurgents attacked our location: Forward Operating Base Salerno. Two civilian workers were killed. All enemy fighters died in the attempt. As the sun set, hope was high that we made it through without a single soldier assigned to the 4th Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division losing his or her life. We soon learned that one of our own succumbed to injuries he received while fighting back.  

That deployment was difficult for many reasons, not least because President Obama had already announced the future date for a full U.S. withdrawal. Many of us could not help but wonder what we were there for if the goal was merely to muddle along for an unspecified period of time—as recommended by Gen. Stan McChrystal. Soldiers placed in harm’s way across generations have asked similar questions. Any honest war veteran has, at some point, wrestled with the meaning of it all, whether he expressed it aloud or not. The question remains ever present: What do American troops die for? 

Questioning the point of placing one’s life at risk in a war-torn region was not new to our generation of soldiers. Textbook answers include things like freedom, liberty, the Constitution, America, and even one’s fellow soldiers. I think most find the answer among these reasons; though, some military members might say they do it for more utilitarian reasons. But I have never met an American soldier who risked death in military service to perpetuate a progressive social agenda.

No combat veteran ever said, “I joined the military and went to war so churches could be closed, Christians labeled extremists, and drag queen story hours hosted at taxpayer-funded libraries.” No one stormed a battlefield to enable more no-fault divorces and fatherless homes, or to protect destructive industries like pornography and gambling that profit from addiction under the guise of the First Amendment. No warrior ever wrote in his journal that “My death would be a small price for a nation that celebrates adultery without consequence.”

I could go on. The point is that we have become a country where vice is no longer shameful, but dominant. We sent our military abroad for the last several decades on missions lacking clear connection to American security, as our own borders became porous and our values eroded at home. As my 20-year military career came to a close in 2023, it became harder not to ask what it was all for. It certainly wasn’t so those of us who still hold fast to Constitutional and moral principles would feel alien in our own land.

How can we stand at the graves of those who died under oath to the Constitution, claim to honor their sacrifice, and then live in ways that undermine the very country they died for? They paid the ultimate price. The least we can do is live in a way that honors their legacy—and combat the cultural currents pulling us further away from the ideals they swore to defend. At a minimum, we can choose to be individuals, groups, tribes, states, and a nation worthy of their sacrifice. We can, and should, choose not to be the cowards in the fight that British poet Charles Mackay wrote of.

This Memorial Day, there are many ways to honor those who died in service to the nation. In doing so, the staples of celebration are absolutely justified. This is not an argument that no one should enjoy some time with loved ones and the grill. The point is that speaking of honor is meaningless from people who refuse to live by honor. As the saying goes, talk is cheap. Real sentiment is demonstrated in one's actions. If your lifestyle demonstrates obsessive individualism and rejection of the founding principles of this nation, your words of tribute to those who lost their lives in military service fall short of true honor. 

This Memorial Day, let your life be the kind the fallen would salute. Choose to be a person, a community, a nation worthy of their sacrifice. That’s how we truly can honor them and teach future generations to do the same.

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