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If Coca-Cola Wants My Business Back, It's Going to Have to Do the Unthinkable

(AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee, File)

Coca-Cola hasn’t exactly been taking moral high grounds as of late. In fact, it’s been flat-out racist, having recently included an online training packet telling its employees to “try to be less white.” Coca-Cola attempted to say that this wasn’t actually a focus of their curriculum and they will “continue to refine” it.

It also decided to publicly denounce Georgia’s election reform bill that made elections more secure and even joined in on a conference call to brainstorm on how to combat Republicans from instituting further voting reforms.

As Bonchie wrote in April, Coca-Cola attempted to backtrack a bit and appear more middle of the road. It’s clear that many people in America didn’t appreciate Coke’s wokeism. Its attempt seemed more than a little milquetoast.

“We believe the best way to make progress now is for everyone to come together to listen, respectfully share concerns and collaborate on a path forward. We remain open to productive conversations with advocacy groups and lawmakers who may have differing views,” the company said. “It’s time to find common ground. In the end, we all want the same thing – free and fair elections, the cornerstone of our democracy.”

Cue the inappropriate but apropos masturbatory gesture.

If Coke thinks this is going to win people like me back then consider me even more insulted than before. This is such a safe statement to make that it indicates they still don’t want to say the words that would actually make the statement about inclusivity real.

Firstly, let’s change that statement up for them. We can rewrite it thusly:

“We believe the best way to make progress now is for Democrats and Republicans to come together and speak on equal ground about their concerns. From there, we believe we can find a way forward on the issue of voting regulations, respecting both sides of the political aisle, as well as those concerned citizens both conservative and liberal. In the end, we all want the same thing, free and fair elections, the cornerstone of our republic.”

What I did there wasn’t difficult. I just said “Voldermort.”

Coke purposefully left out mentioning any political parties or ideologies, not in an effort to seem more middle of the road but to avoid having to say that Republicans or conservatives need to be listened to directly. Doing so would trigger leftists advocacy groups to claim that Coke is now attempting to get people to negotiate with “far-right” groups and that now Coke should be canceled. By failing to mention any party or ideology, Coke allows the left to continue to believe that the “productive conversation” that needs to be had is one where they speak and everyone else listens.

It’s an age-old trick that needs to be retired.

But let’s say it does that. Next, it needs to apologize profusely for the fact that a highly racist training course was being foisted on its employees. Coke never did apologize for it because doing so would, once again, run afoul of leftist activist groups who would then move to cancel coke and give them bad PR as a company that caters to white supremacists. If Coke wants my business back, it will apologize for this and vow to never target any specific race again, including white people.

And it needs to use the word “white people” very directly. No stopping at “we appreciate all races.” It wasn’t all races that were directly targeted. White people were.

Then after these herculean tasks, Coke must do the unthinkable, and stay out of politics for the remainder of its company’s existence. No more activism, no more political statements, no more choosing sides. It needs to remember it’s a soft drink company, not a political activist group that caves to political pressure.

Any internal administrators that demand the company gets involved in politics, social movements or more, should be told no very directly and a policy instituted that forbids the company from taking activist measures in the future. If these administrators continue to push for political activism from the company, they should be fired.

It’s not impossible. Red Bull did it.

Coca-Cola has a vested interest in making me want to drink their products. They spend millions of dollars on single commercials and ads nudging me to do so. Thing is, they’re in a very saturated market. I don’t need them when I have a ton of other drinks to choose from. So now it comes down to whether or not I like company and I clearly don’t. I think they’re bigoted and racist. I think they’ve caved to a modern political beast that is already fat on power as it is. The last thing I want to do is hand them more of my money so they can turn around and use it to feed it even more.

If it wants my business back, it will renounce extremist politics, apologize for it to those they were racist against directly, and then shut up.

It shouldn’t be hard to do, but it is in this day and age. Coke will likely do none of these things. It will continue to bend the knee to the woke left as it’s infiltrated and absorbed by it. A sad thing too. I really liked coke floats.

Oh well.