Every day — and I mean every single day — I thank every lucky star I can count in the expanse of the heavens that we have CNN White House correspondent Jim Acosta looking after us poor, stupid Americans.
As you all know, that dastardly President Donald Trump was at it again. In his vile, nefarious way, that bad orange man tweeted out a photo of himself putting the Medal of Pawnor on the brave canine that took down ISIS leader Abu Bkr al-Bagdhadi.
AMERICAN HERO! pic.twitter.com/XCCa2sGfsZ
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 30, 2019
For a moment, we were all completely fooled. This ultra-realistic picture of the anonymous pooch who has won our hearts made us ignorant, brainless Americans think that the dog really was at the White House being presented with an amazing award for his bravery in the line of doggy duty.
But lo! Twas a fake!
And it took none other than the brilliant Jim Acosta, with reporting skills unlike any ever seen before, to throw the veil of lies and deception aside and uncover the shining truth for all of us oafs to see!
Reaching out to a White House official, and grilling him for the truth with the hammer of righteous fury, Acosta found the truth and thusly took to Twitter to remove the blindfolds of the Trump administration!
“A WH official said “the dog is not at the WH,” tweeted mighty Acosta.
A WH official said "the dog is not at the WH." https://t.co/eJLqBMyKna
— Jim Acosta (@Acosta) October 30, 2019
As the scales fell from our eyes, and the realness of the situation laid bare, we were all blessed with just a fraction of the knowledge that our media betters have. Now that we could truly see, we could all only collectively come to one conclusion. One inescapable truth that will follow us throughout our days.
We broke Jim, everyone. Jim is broken. https://t.co/KmwYUTtEaH
— Brandon Morse (@TheBrandonMorse) October 30, 2019
Honestly, if it weren’t for the blue checkmarks on the left, Twitter would probably be a very boring place.