Freedom and Goodness Return to School Cafeterias as Michelle Obama's Nutritional Standards Defanged

A glorious day is on the horizon for children everywhere as the nutritional standards for school cafeterias championed by Michelle Obama will be shot in the knees, and actual food will begin returning to the menu. First to make its reappearance? Flavored milk.


Michelle Obama’s standards — of which she herself did not at all follow as evidenced by her caloric intake — were passed in order to fight obesity in children, yet the children ended up pushing away what was being served, and instead took matters into their own hands.

According to ABC News, Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue said the Dept. of Agriculture will start rolling back rules meant to keep kids healthy, but failed miserably at, noting that kids weren’t even eating the gruel being served to them. Instead, the meals were more commonly found in the trash than in the kid’s stomachs.

“Schools need flexibility in menu planning so they can serve nutritious and appealing meals,” Perdue said in a statement Thursday. “Schools want to offer food that students actually want to eat. It doesn’t do any good to serve nutritious meals if they wind up in the trash can.”

“This is not reducing the nutritional standards whatsoever,” added Perdue. “I wouldn’t be as big as I am today without flavored milk.”

The new rule, which eases sodium content and whole grain requirements will take effect on July 1.

According to the Twitter hashtag #ThanksMichelleObama, these rules can’t come soon enough. The popular hashtag shows students and parents tweeting pictures of the “healthy” meals school cafeterias were attempting to get students to consume.


According to the Washington Times in 2014, after just two years of the former first lady’s nutritional standards taking effect, over one million students opted out of purchasing school lunches, choosing instead to either go without, or bring their own.

“The National School Lunch Program saw a sharp decline in participation once the healthy standards went into effect during the 2012-2013 school year. A total of 1,086,000 students stopped buying school lunch, after participation had increased steadily for nearly a decade,” reported the Washington Times.

A day of celebration and much rejoicing it will be when cafeteria lunches will return to be just okay instead of absolutely abysmal. A time when Twix and Dr Pepper will return to the vending machines, and students will be quietly attempting to eat their Cooler Ranch Doritos during class.



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