What to Expect from Campaign Surrogates Before and After Tonight's #Debate

If there are people out there that are more ridiculous than the candidates themselves, it’s their spokespeople. If the prospective Presidents are the ringleaders of the circus, these spoxes are surely their clowns.


They count as the scary clown sightings you’ve been hearing about.

But while their faces are painted with a hopeful shade of promise for their candidates, from their mouths usually issues forth a river of something less sanitary. What’s more, for all their defenses and excuses do to make us think less of humanity, train wrecks are fun to watch. So we wait with baited breath to see what kind of audible crashing and burning will occur.

What what will they say? My guess is as good as yours, but judging from patterns seen throughout the campaigns, it may look something like this.

Clinton surrogates will likely have a lot of cleanup to do, and not on Hillary’s end. They’ve accepted that their candidate is a walking, talking pile of scandals wrapped in a bag of inhuman flesh, and robotic responses that trigger an uncanny valley sort of response from the hairs on the back of our neck. Because of this, they’ll want to keep as much of the limelight off of Hillary as possible, and keep the attention on Donald Trump.

As it happens, Trump is failing so badly due to one outrageous scandal surfacing after another, that Clinton will have a lot put in front of her own. So long as we can’t see over the top of Donald’s fail castle, Hillary’s sins will remain out of the spotlight despite them standing on open ground.

And by surrogates, in Clinton’s case, I of course mean the media. In short, it’ll hardly matter what Clinton says, because hardly anyone will care. Her surrogates won’t have to work that hard. Besides, no one is here to see her act, and for the Clinton campaign, that’s just fine with them.


No, everybody bought tickets because they want to see her opponent.

People love reality TV…for some reason. And no one can harness that love of trashy programming better than the Republican nominee, Donald J. Trump. Unlike Hillary, Trump loves the spotlight more than Black Lives Matter loves posting photos of thugs when they were 12.

This love of the limelight has forced Trump to do whatever is necessary to secure it, and that means rolling with whatever scandal comes along. He rarely apologizes, and when he does, it’s not really an apology.

That’s why Trump’s mouthpieces have their work cut out for them. They already have to prep for a debate where there’s likely to be a scandal brought up that will throw Trump back into another bout of him making up some weird defense, which his surrogates will have to mimic and dance with until the next scandal pops up. This will continue until election day…and probably after.

Firstly, Trump surrogates will likely have to content with the current crop of anti-woman verbiage that Trump has served up. The latest is Trump commenting that those accusing him of sexual assault were, in short, too ugly to molest. Trump seems to be just fine with this line of defense, and therefor so do his spoxes have to be. It’s why you see his attorney, Michael Cohen, essentially paraphrasing Trump in his defense, not actually defending him.

During the debate, Trump will likely face another onslaught of anti-women accusations due to the fact that Hillary has put a large portion of her stock in the woman vote.


It’s working, by the way.

Trump will have to answer further, and in a vain attempt at misdirection, speak in platitudes about making American great again, then try to shift the focus on Hillary. So will his spokespeople. If they’re smart they’ll continue to hammer home just how awful Hillary has been in the past to women herself, especially on behalf of her husband.

The problem for his surrogates, however, in that we already know Hillary’s sins with women, and Trump continues to pump them out on the reg. They spend more time defending him from new allegations than they do actually talking about real issues.

Another Hillary tactic that’s working, by the way.

In short, while it doesn’t matter what Hillary says, for the Trump surrogates, they have no idea what he’s going to say next. That’s what makes Trump so exciting to watch. That’s what makes him a nightmare for anyone who has to sit in front of a camera and make excuses for him.

So what will Trump surrogates say? Nobody knows, because nobody knows what Trump will say, but when he says it, you can expect the parrots to squawk along.



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