Over the past year, we have cataloged the foibles, foul-ups, and facts-averse finagling seen in the press, and with the flip of the calendar, we recognize and reward the best (worst) examples in journalism from 2023. For this inauspicious honor, we have created The Golden Remington Trophy, a nod to days past when reporters would grind out work, burn shoe leather chasing stories, and journalism ethics still existed.

The Remmy – our statue of the classic typewriter, encased in luxurious repurposed 8-karat gold — is awarded in several categories. Below, they are arranged with the nominees and announced WINNER (the recipient entitled to the physical manifestation upon payment of creation and shipping costs).

So, without any further fanfare (or any), we bring you The Remmys of 2023!

(un)Distinguished Cultural Commentary

• CNN’s Travel portal encouraged people to stop traveling.

• After delivering dire climate news, the Washington Post offered this recommendation on how to deal with “climate anxiety”: Take hallucinogenic mushrooms.

• The Today Show announced a “new” health “trend”: “Silent Walking.”

• Spotify worked to cut off accounts that were creating AI song lists and then using artificial listening software to generate traffic to collect royalties. People were using robots to make music for robot listeners.

WINNER: Jennifer Kingson - Axios

Jennifer went to great lengths explaining that a hot new trend was people putting ice in their drinks.

(un)Distinguished Cultural Criticism

• Karen Attiah was critical of the new Martin Luther King statue in Boston, “The Embrace.” She called it a testament to white thinking, even though a black sculptor created it.

• The Associated Press told us that decorating with poinsettia plants at Christmas was racist.

• The New York Times poetry editor resigned over the paper’s Israel-Hamas war coverage.

• At The Mirror, we were told that we have been eating croissants incorrectly.

WINNER: Maham Javaid - Washington Post

With pumpkin spice season came this lecture about how you were enjoying a racist food flavoring with a violent history because 500 years ago, explorers exploited a country for its nutmeg, committing “corporate genocide” in doing so.

(Un)Distinguished Sports Reporting

• Clinton Yates at Andscape wanted to bring back the Negro Leagues by suggesting at the World Baseball Classic the US field a separate all-black team.

•  A USA Today writer was upset when Tiger Woods used a tampon to jokingly insult his friend on the golf course.

• Daniel McFadden of Homestretch got NASCAR driver Noah Gragson suspended when he reported how Gragson had liked a meme on Twitter.

• USA Today tried to claim Ron DeSantis was racist for using the term “freak of nature” for a gifted black athlete. The outlet has numerous examples in its archives using the term towards POC athletes.

WINNER (by unanimous vote): Carron Phillips - Deadspin

The reliably race-baiting writer went after a 9-year-old KC Chiefs fan, accusing the boy of racism for wearing blackface and a Native American headdress. The kid was painted in team colors, and he is Native American himself. Deadspin revised the original piece repeatedly, attempting to save face and stave off a lawsuit.

(un)Distinguished Editorial Writing

• After the press tried claiming reactions to a Biden flak wanting to ban stoves, the press tried to claim conservatives created a baseless conspiracy. Then Farhood Manjoo reignited the controversy by saying the stoves would kill us.

• Philip Bump tried to sell how it is a slur to use the term “Chinese Communists.”

• In a pained exploration of the Bud Light fiasco, Mike Allen and Elenor Hawkins detailed that “life and death” issues for trans people are connected.

• At The Bulwark, Chris Murphy suggested passing a law against loneliness.

WINNER: Adam Grant - New York Times

In this brilliant example of a writer locked into a narrative but failing to step back and ponder his position — this time the threats to our elections — Grant went on to suggest that he sees what is a danger for our democracy – elections. This was so roundly ridiculed that The Times had to alter the headline to look less ridiculous.

See if you can pick up on the subtle shift in this @NYTimes entry. pic.twitter.com/nHiDFDX4hm

— Lie-Able Sources (@LieAbleSources) August 23, 2023

(un)Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

• The Washington Post was so displeased with a poll showing Biden trailing Trump that it suggested this was flawed and possibly an outlier. It was its own conducted poll, and it was in line with many others.

• At The Atlantic, writer Adam Fleming Petty went on about why grocery stores are too large and need to be scaled back. This was the result of him standing in an orange juice aisle, and the vast selections caused him to have a panic attack and leave the store.

• Chris Hayes stipulated that the reason a hurricane hit the state of Florida is that Ron DeSantis could have bought protection, but he rejected $350 million from the Biden administration. 

• In April, Mehdi Hasan declared that no Democrat politician would go to a GOP city and trash the local politics. At the same time, Gavin Newsom was in Florida, doing that exact thing regarding DeSantis.

WINNER: Mark Tutton - CNN

For the sake of the planet, CNN suggested overseas freighters could slash their carbon emissions if they retrofit ships with parachutes or giant kites that can boast thrust efficiency by using captured air currents. So CNN has invented sailboats.

(un)Distinguished Feature Writing

• The Washington Post highlighted the dastardly effects of “Florida book bans” by showing the impacts on librarians. Well…one, who quit. Over 18 months, she could not tolerate being made to read the Declaration of Independence to students, taking a one-hour training, and removing books. Four of them.

• At the Smithsonian Magazine, we got a deep exploration into research of the snake clitoris.

• The New Yorker (and many others) reported that scientists analyzed the papers of Vlad the Impaler and concluded it is likely the man who was the inspiration for “Dracula” was a vegan.

• Karen Attiah, based on a personal experience, wrote at length about how men supposedly kill the plants of women in a sexist, domineering fashion. The plant she referenced was not her own but her parents, it was trimmed down because her father ordered landscapers to do so, and the plant is actually still alive and growing.

WINNER: Anita Singh - The Telegraph

The depth of the lack of self-awareness was on display in this strained piece declaring George Orwell was sadistic, sexist, violent, and homophobic. This is all based on one person’s impression — a biographer of Orwell’s wife — and says the “proof” is in the characters of his writing. Yes, the Telegraph is trying to cancel the writer of “1984.”

(un)Distinguished Investigative Reporting

• After Ron DeSantis mentioned critically that “I don’t really know Mitt Romney,” ABC News broke open the report that DeSantis campaigned for Romney…over 20 years ago while in college.

• During the Bud Light controversy, CNN’s Ryan Young went to Nashville to expose that Kid Rock’s honky tonk was actually serving the beer the singer was boycotting.

• Following the debate between Ron DeSantis and Gavin Newsom, there was a reference to the infamous San Francisco “poop map.” The next day Philip Bump worked to say the poop on the map is smaller than shown and is the collected reports over nine years — which actually sounds worse.

• Newsweek looked into the deeply pertinent issue of the color of the dress Nikki Haley wore at her daughter’s wedding.

WINNER: Ben Collins - NBC News

After teasing for some time that he had an explosive exposé on Elon Musk, Collins delivered an inept claim that an article from the website of a racist former Trump acolyte spelled out the gameplan for Musk’s purchase, and the billionaire followed it to the letter. EXCEPT…the piece was written after the purchase process began, no reason is given why Musk would follow an anonymous article, and the plan laid out in the article actually is for how others should act so Musk could be opposed. This was remarkably inept by Collins.

(un)Distinguished International Reporting

• A Canadian court hearing a business agreement dispute declared that an emoji in a text message constituted an agreement to a contract.

• Sweden saw a serious political scandal when the Prime Minister promoted a top aide despite him being caught illegally catching eels.

• As killer whales in a harbor in Spain continued to target boats aggressively, Business Insider announced that it is offensive to say the orcas “attack” boats.

• Canines at a Toronto dog park were once again permitted to bark on the site.

WINNER: 60 Minutes Australia

In a bat-crap crazy segment from “60 Minutes Australia,” we were served this report on parents who want to raise genderless children. The euphemisms fly freely to excuse away what one “expert” described as an experiment – on their children. It is called “Gender-creative Parenting,” with an author cited who wrote the book “Raising THEM” and these parents raising what are called “They-bies.”

Meet the 'theybies'. Not baby boys, not baby girls. SUNDAY on #60Mins, the new parenting trend letting young children choose their own gender. pic.twitter.com/wPLc4w4ql8

— 60 Minutes Australia (@60Mins) March 29, 2023

(un)Distinguished Local Reporting

• A minor league baseball team was advised to alter its name, all because some overly-serious and under-stimulated health groups feel that the Georgia-based Macon Bacon encourages poor food decisions.

• With School starting, CBS 4 warned parents of the grave dangers of packing their child’s lunch in a brown paper bag.

• In a local election for Sheriff in Everett, Washington, the local paper dubbed the incumbent as “a controversial, far-right sheriff with constitutional leanings.” 

• A Phoenix Dairy Queen had its 15-foot-tall red spoon stolen from the store’s facade. It was later discovered by a man who was out playing Pokemon Go!

WINNER: Mary Ellen Klas, Syra Ortiz Blanes – The Miami Herald

The reporters contacted the DeSantis press office about the new immigration law with a clear agenda. In a contentious series of exchanges, they were asking why there were so few arrests made, based on Florida Highway Patrol figures. Press Secretary Jeremy Redfern informed them that numerous state law enforcement agencies have the jurisdiction, and he provided them with a link to a newspaper article listing far more arrests had been made – it was the Miami Herald.

(un)Distinguished Breaking News

• After Elon Musk pledged to file his lawsuit against Media Matters “the split-second” the courthouse opened, Ben Collins detailed how Musk did not, in fact, file first thing in the morning. (The lawsuit was filed that day.) 

• In covering Trump flying out to his arraignment, Kelly O’Donnell noted that on the runway, Trump’s plane had to suffer the indignity of waiting on the tarmac to taxi for the runway, unlike the president, who is entitled to take off immediately.

• At CBS News, they were hyping the chance of an outbreak of violence in NY City surrounding the indictment of Donald Trump, saying authorities cited a significant increase of threats. ALSO, they report their sources say “they have not identified any credible or direct threats to a person or property.” (Well…they were bound to be right about one of those…)

• Rolling Stone felt the need to report on the Trump election team stating they wanted to compare the size of members between Trump and Ron DeSantis.

WINNER:  CNN

For his arraignment, the network provided constant - LIVE! - coverage of Trump driving from his home to the airport, and then lifting off, and then landing, and then driving to the courthouse. Prior to this “historic” (their words) commuting, there were steady live shots of the front gate, where nothing at all was happening, for much of that morning.

(Un)Distinguished National Reporting

• On "Morning Joe," the namesake host was leaning into Justice Clarence Thomas regarding his supposed controversies with rich friends giving him trips and the like. Scar-Joe then said, “I cannot even begin to imagine what would happen if it were Justice Sotomayor,” as he then imagined the conservatives melting down and declared his morning crew would be “shocked and outraged” over such. Joe was entirely oblivious that Sotomayor had just been exposed as ruling on cases involving her publisher, from whom she was paid millions.

• Jonathan Allen reported on a major divide taking place inside the White House regarding the president not pushing Israel into a cease-fire agreement. Jon apparently is one of the few people in America concerned with the opinions of anonymous interns.

• After a serial killer on Long Island was captured when clues were taken from pizza scraps thrown away in a public waste bin, a Fox News legal analyst made a joke of being surprised the heavy individual had actually not finished his pizza. At Mediaite, they took offense that someone would dare fat-shame the serial killer.

WINNER: Nicolle Wallace – MSNBC

Ms. Wallace had on Tennessee state Representative Justin Pearson, he being one of the politicians who led an insurre–...um, that is, he led a protest inside the state capitol chambers. Pearson was brought on “Deadline: White House” to discuss a new law his legislature passed addressing protests such as the one he led, and he referred to the Republican majority in his state as a “mobocracy.” To reiterate: This was a politician who led a mob complaining about new rules to limit mob-like activity, and calling that “mob rule.”

(Tomorrow, we will announce the ten Special Honors Remmy Awards.)